Recent Posts of member se-kent-uk

Topics:

Degradation, why? 17,Sep,23 16:58
Body shape 13,Jun,23 08:07
THE MAIN PAGE 20,Apr,23 06:28
It just a joke 11,Mar,23 08:26

Posts:

By se-kent-uk at 23,Feb,24 06:37
Me, “My first job was posing as a mannequin in a shop window”
Mate, “Was you any good?”
Me, “Well I held the position for a long time!”



By se-kent-uk at 22,Feb,24 08:23
Mate, “Whats up with you?”
Me, “Wife asked me to pass her some lip balm and I gave her some glue by accident”
Mate, “You’re an idiot but she will get over it”
Me, “Well it’s been a week and she’s still not talking to me!”



By se-kent-uk at 19,Feb,24 07:02
Me, “Did you know I played the drums as a kid?”
Wife, “No I didn’t”
Me, “I did think about taking it up again but decided not to”
Wife, “well if you do there will be repercussions!”



By se-kent-uk at 18,Feb,24 08:21
Mate, “fancy a game of cards?”
Me, “yes but the cards all seem stuck together”
Mate, “Is it going to cause a problem?”
Me, “it’s making them hard to deal with!”



By se-kent-uk at 11,Feb,24 08:09
Me, “I really don’t trust atoms”
Mate, “why on earth not?”
Me, “because they make up everything!”



By se-kent-uk at 10,Feb,24 08:43
Me, “I don’t like the shoes from a drug store”
Mate, “whats up with them?”
Me, “I am constantly tripping!”



By se-kent-uk at 07,Feb,24 08:30
Me, “Your looking smooth, had your hair done mate?”
Mate, “yes, said to the hairdresser to make me look sexy”
Me, “How much did she need to drink?”



By se-kent-uk at 06,Feb,24 07:39
Mate, “My favourite movie is, ‘the hunt for the Red October’”.
Me, “I don’t like movies with sub titles”.



By se-kent-uk at 04,Feb,24 08:31
Mate, “why are you lipping?”
Me, “new shoes”
Mate, “so whats wrong?”
Me, “I think one is . . . not right!”



By se-kent-uk at 02,Feb,24 07:41
Me, “looks like we’re in for a spell of really bad weather”
Mate, “like what?”
Me, “ the forecast is, rane, hale, drissle, thundre, litnin, and frizzing culd!”



By se-kent-uk at 01,Feb,24 06:58
Me, “I once had an addiction to doing the Hokey Pokey”
Mate, “however did you manage to stop?”
Me, “I turned my self around!”



By se-kent-uk at 31,Jan,24 16:02
Me, “How do crows stick together in a flock?”
Mate, “Oh no another pun, go on tell me”
Me, “Velcro”
Mate, “I can do better than that!”
Me, “Well Toucan play at that game!”



By se-kent-uk at 28,Jan,24 08:02
Mate, “the bloke over their recons his mate can throw a ball for his dog so far it takes the dog 15minuets to come back”.
Me, “Sounds a bit farfetched to me”.



By se-kent-uk at 27,Jan,24 08:36
Me, “Did you know, there is only one thing that makes a good Pizza joke?”
Mate, “ Dough-know!!”
Me, “HaHa, no it’s the delivery!”



By se-kent-uk at 26,Jan,24 08:30
What do you call an angry French aunt?
I don’t know, what?
A Crossaunt!



By se-kent-uk at 25,Jan,24 08:40
Me, “Some sod has stolen all the lamps from my room”
Mate, “I bet that made you mad”
Me, “What do you think I’m de-lighted!”



By se-kent-uk at 24,Jan,24 09:10
Whats the best present for a rock mad kid?
A broken Drum
For your own sanity, it can’t be beaten!



By se-kent-uk at 23,Jan,24 07:58
Girl, think I was 8 or 9, I started eating pussy at 8.



By se-kent-uk at 23,Jan,24 07:55
My back would not let me, but I would yes, I think most women would lick there own pussy if they could too



By se-kent-uk at 23,Jan,24 07:53
Me, “I went to that new bar on the high street last night”
Mate, “I know the place, it’s busy there”
Me, “yes, it is, I went dressed as a tennis ball”
Mate, “What, your mad, I bet you were laughed at”
Me, “Yes but at the bar I got served straight away”



By se-kent-uk at 22,Jan,24 07:54
Mate, “Rebel yells was the best”
Wife, “ No no, White wedding”
Me, “ will you two knock it off with the idol chit-chat!”



By se-kent-uk at 21,Jan,24 08:32
If you are talking covered lips (what I think you are referring to as pretty) like this:
Or exposed (messy) lips like this:

My problem is where have you got the idea covered is the pretty one? TV, magazines, advertising and the like, listening to those around you is just repeating what I have just said above and they are just repeating what they have been TOLD by the media is pretty. DONT BE A SHEEP.
Think for your self, shrug off the things implanted in your head by others.
I Personally LOVE a pussy with exposed lips, I think of it like this, would you rather see a rose bud or a rose, ROSE in bloom, for me in bloom any day of the week & twice on Sunday.
If you have always had a ROSE know YOU are the pretty one.



By se-kent-uk at 21,Jan,24 08:01
Mate, “why is this room feeling so cold?”
Me, “why not join me here in the corner”
Mate, “why will that help?” Me, "yes because it’s 90 degrees”



By se-kent-uk at 19,Jan,24 18:54
Mate, “I have just come back from my first art class, I was asked to draw a circle!”
Me, “That sounds a bit pointless”
Mate, “Err, what! I dont know if I will find the time to do it again”
Me, “you will get a-round to it”
Mate, “you are terrible sometimes”
Me, “I’d not worry about it, what goes around, comes a round!”



By se-kent-uk at 18,Jan,24 08:16
Mate, “Rebel yells was the best”
Wife, “ No no, White wedding”
Me, “ will you two knock it off with the idol chit-chat!”



By se-kent-uk at 17,Jan,24 10:02
Mate, “hows the new job going?”
Me, “Only been at the bike factory 1 week & I have been given a promotion ”
Mate, “promotion already, to what?”
Me, “spokesperson”



By se-kent-uk at 15,Jan,24 17:01
Mate, “what are you smiling about”
Me, “I am remembering growing up in the 80’s”
Mate, “Ahh the 80’s the era of boom boxes”
Me, “well that’s just a stereotype!”



By se-kent-uk at 12,Jan,24 12:31
I ordered Chinese locally (won't name them) went to pick it up and as I was driving back home, heard the bags rustling and moving!!!
I thought what on earth is that? Has something gotten into the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out.
I was driving at the time so I pulled over, I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the ginger beef!
I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ...
And there it was ...
... A Peeking Duck!!!



By se-kent-uk at 10,Jan,24 09:03
A lorry load of VapoRub has rolled over on the motorway.
There has been no reports of congestion for 8 hours!



By se-kent-uk at 09,Jan,24 07:48
Me, “I have taken to sleeping on a pile of old magazines”
Mate, “That can’t be doing you any good”
Me, “Quite the opposite, it’s great for back issues!”



By se-kent-uk at 08,Jan,24 08:15
Visiting a mate, hear a loud bang n crash & go and investigate to find my mate under some shelfing and a pile of heavy books!
Me, “you ok mate, looks like you have taken a bang to the head”
Mate, “I’m ok, looks like this lot came down on me, guess I didn’t put it up very good”
Me, “you only have your shelf to blame!”



By se-kent-uk at 07,Jan,24 07:43



By se-kent-uk at 07,Jan,24 07:38
Me, “ I have just published a book about Poltergeists”
Mate, “Oh great, how’s it doing”
Me, “They are flying off the shelfs”.



By se-kent-uk at 06,Jan,24 09:15
Me, “my new year’s resolution is to decorate my living room in velcro”
Mate, “what, is this another crap joke, you will never do it”
Me, “I will & I’m going to stick to it!”



By se-kent-uk at 05,Jan,24 09:14
Mate, “what you been doing recently?”
Me, “ oh this & that, been shopping with the wife, brought one of them new fangled toilet brushes”
Mate, “Any good?”
Me, “Seems to work well at getting it all clean”
A few days later. . . .
Mate, “I got me one of those new toilet brushes”
Me, “Oh, hows is working for you?”
Me, “Well to be honest, I find it scratches and leaves my ass sore, so I have gone back to toilet paper!



By se-kent-uk at 30,Dec,23 08:51
I love spending time in a bath with a sexy woman.
It can de a very intermate relaxing time if you are entwined with another's legs round you.
But of course it to can be sexy and fun.
For a bath I much prefer relaxing though.



By se-kent-uk at 30,Dec,23 08:46
Cowboy, “You put glue on my revolvers boy”
Son, “ No Pa, honest I didn’t”
Cowboy, “you sure as well did”
Son, “I swear I didn’t, don’t you believe me?”
Cowboy, “Dam it, no. I’m sticking to my guns”



By se-kent-uk at 29,Dec,23 07:39
Doc, “ your having a heart attack, Ill grab the defibrillator”
Me, “Don’t grab it later, grab it now!”



By se-kent-uk at 29,Dec,23 07:38
Mate, “Any idea why the French eat snails?
Me, “They don’t like fast food”



By se-kent-uk at 28,Dec,23 09:04
Nice quiet & easy drive home last night, but strangely I spotted an Ice-cream sundae, a lemon drizzle cake, an apple pie & a Eton mess.
The streets were desserted!



By se-kent-uk at 27,Dec,23 12:51
Me, “have you heard about a strange illnesses going round that makes you forget 80’s music?”.
Mate, “What the… is something going to be done about it?”
Me, “No one knows the Cure”



By se-kent-uk at 26,Dec,23 07:50
Do you know how much Santa pays for parking at Christmas?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Nothing it’s all on the house!!



By se-kent-uk at 24,Dec,23 06:50
Sylvester Stallone said he wants to make some movies about historical classical composers.
In the first film he wants to paly, Beethoven, but asks some fellow actors who they might want to be.
Jean Claude Van Damme said, “I’ll be Mozart”.
Bruce Willis said, “I’ll be Tchaikovsky”
Arnold Schwarzenegger refused to comment!!!



By se-kent-uk at 23,Dec,23 08:12
Where do Pirates get their hooks from
.
.
.
.
.
.
Second hand stores!



By se-kent-uk at 23,Dec,23 08:10
A guy walks into a bakery and asks “can buy a ham sandwich with cream cheese?”
The attendant say’s “sorry we only take cash” . . .



By se-kent-uk at 22,Dec,23 07:47
Me, “hello mate how are you now?”
Mate, “Officially 12 months without my addiction”
Me, “that’s good, what was it now”
Mate, “chocolate, nuts & marshmallows”
Me, “well, credit to you, that you've done it, but it must have been a Rocky Road!”



By se-kent-uk at 21,Dec,23 08:32
A guy just knocked a jar of Mayonnaise off the shelf at the store.
Involuntarily shouted, what the Helman!



By se-kent-uk at 20,Dec,23 08:00
Me, “This is a tidy farm you have; would you happen to have some eggs for sale?”
Farmer, “We try and keep it clean, but sorry we don’t have chickens”
Me, “I guess that’s why it’s impeccable then!”.



By se-kent-uk at 19,Dec,23 07:59
Mate, “I don’t quite understand now knitted jumpers are so cheap, Did you know it takes 3 sheep to make just one jumper?”
Me, “Didn’t know that sheep could knit!”



By se-kent-uk at 18,Dec,23 08:25
A sandwich walks into a bar and orders a drink
Bartender says “sorry but we don’t serve food here”!