Im in the same boat i have a partner and kids but i want a JO buddy so bad theyre just so hard to find

I would like that too

The way to work out the 'cheating' part is to think about your wife and ask yourself 'would she feel cheated on'?

....Hopefully you know your own wife well enough to be able to predict her views. If she is ok about what you do then you will not have cheated on her. If you coerce her into going along with your wishes then that's worse than straight cheating in my book!

I can't speak to the do it with a buddy question but the second part is an intriguing topic. Is it Cheating?

There are as many answers to that question as there are noninvolved partners. Some would say that masturbation is cheating in itself. Others that sex with a same sex partner is OK as long as it's OK with your significant other. Some would say that any sex now with your spouse or SO is cheating. It's up to you to decide whether you consider it cheating but more importantly, is it cheating to your wife. Your dilemma is that you can't ask her unless you tell her your fantasy and that could cause deeper issues. My suggestion is to keep the fantasy a fantasy and then the cheating issue is not in play. Otherwise, the cost could be far greater than the lack of experience. Good luck figuring this one out.