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Stupidest place you put it.

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Started by Darthshame at 02,Apr,18 13:34  other posts of Darthshame
So i use to try to put my dick in all sorts of things to get off. The stupidest was a shower drain. It was in the center of a standing shower and the cover was loose. I would stuff a towel in a fuck my shower floor. Obviously I was younger and didn't think it through. What is the stupidest thing, non-human, (don't want to hear about the two dollar whore) that you stuck you dick in to get off? Or ladies, what is the stupidest thing you ever inserted?

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By Angelofdeath at 03,Apr,18 13:24 other posts of Angelofdeath 
A few years ago I was in the ER for a broken arm, a younger dude in the cubicle next to me, kept screaming and walking around all agitated. I noticed that he seemed to be sporting a boner, but with what appeared to be a flashlight sticking out. Any who, dumb fuck had did a shit ton of viagra and some drugs and couldn't get his little pork and beaner to go down. His parents had already brought him in for priapism and he had to have his **** drained. Guess he was trying to avoid it a 2nd time, but dumb fuck got the idea to stick his tic tac into a flashlight with vaseline as he did not have a fleshlight to help jerk off, and it got stuck. So he was screaming cuz they were going to saw off the flashlight and do another draining procedure. The nurses were being quite loud. It was fucking hilarious.
By Darthshame at 25,May,18 01:15 other posts of Darthshame 
Was that guy actually you?

By Earlybird at 02,Apr,18 18:13 other posts of Earlybird 
I've done my best to avoid putting my dick in stupid places (aside from in the pussies of a few gals who ended-up being girlfriends from hell!) That's because when I was around 7, I put it in a really stupid place!

I had been giving myself "the special feeling" as I called orgasms back then, since I discovered that my cock was good for more than peeing back when I was 5. Soon, I became curious about other ways of "getting the feeling" besides rubbing it.

Humping pillows was already getting old, and our tub didn't have a shower. At that age, it was only around 1.5" long x 1" in girth when fully erect. Way too small for the vacuum cleaner hose - yes, I had already tried that!

I found a small glass jar with a neck that looked about the right diameter. So I put my little softie in there. Wow, that felt GREAT! WAY better than my fingers or the pillow!

Only problem was that I got hard instantly, and I hadn't thought about "expansion"! I couldn't pull it out!! I struggled with that for a minute or two, but that just made it get even harder! Fortunately, I got scared enough that it went soft within a few minutes & I was able to get it out!

What scared me the most was the thought of having to go to mom or dad & explain my predicament! That little incident taught me to avoid sticking my unit in stupid places!!
By Darthshame at 05,Apr,18 02:01 other posts of Darthshame 
That was a close one.

By superstudme at 05,Apr,18 03:43 other posts of superstudme 
Yes you do seem to have stuck your cock in unusual places but have learnt to not do those things again especially if you then deeded to toll your parents

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