Gay Stereotype

By #7976 at 30,Oct,11 02:02

Wow...What a great topic. It stirs a log of emotion judging from this thread.

I'm a very heterosexual male and live in Northern California where there's a large homosexual population. There's probably less "stereotyping" here than most places but then, there are two distinct types of homosexual.

The first type are as normal as anyone else. They go to work, go out socially, and live normal suburban lives. They just happen to have a relationship with someone off their own sex.

Then there's the second type of NorCal homosexual. They typically live in SF but they're the ones everyone sees because they push the social envelope as evidenced by their clothing, demeanor, and speech patterns. This group subset of the homosexual community are the ones who create the image of the "stereotypical" gay.

For those like you who have a strong same-sex relationship you certainly don't fit the culturally popular stereotype but then, like everything else, it's the fringe 10% who get 90% of the press so that becomes dogma.

Stereotyping (profiling) isn't going to go away soon but it shouldn't be alarming either. There a many heterosexual subgroups that I'm truly ashamed to be associated with but then; I leave them alone and they leave me alone. It's a win, win from my perspective.

To wrap this up, enjoy your relationship and don't be caught up in the mental games of those who don't know what they're talking about. It sounds like your a happy, well adjusted man so stick to being what you are and let the rest fend for themselves.

By MoeJoe at 04,Oct,11 10:20 other posts of MoeJoe

Stereotyping of sexual orientation is a microcosm of our entire society....we have been stereotyping gender, race, culture, politics, religion....you name it....why should this be any different. It seems to be man's basic flaw and it will always be that way until he can lift himself up to another level and accept himself and his position on this planet.

By #131063 at 28,Sep,11 22:20

Leahcim, you are correct. Stereotypes have their roots in truth. I applaud the personal success others have in relationships, monogamy and self-restraint, but being an EXCEPTION does not make the stereotypes UNTRUE. There is such a thing called Complicity. Privately, many will express distaste for the extremists. But when was the last time so many gays told a "Chris Crocker" (Google ItsChrisCrocker) "Shut the hell up and stop speaking for our community" that he had no choice but to fade into obscurity? When was the last time anyone confronted a cross-dresser - "why are you part of a community for men with feelings of same-gender-affection?" (Most cross-dressers identify as hetero). When was the last time NOBODY showed up for a gay pride parade because there were 'too many false stereotypes'? No, the fact is, the majority eat it up, celebrate it, and go along with the stereotypes. Most likely when the fringe is criticized, these same people that claim private disgust will stand shoulder to shoulder with those defending "diversity". Grow some balls and take a stance, tell these freaks and extremists we're tired of their crap. Take a harsh stance against those elements within your OWN circle of friends. Few will have the guts to do it but they will pathetically whine "Stereotypes aren't true. I'M not like that..." WAKE UP. Yes, you are...if you remain silent. Another problem: Guys will claim they are 'all man' but then they use a part of the body designed for waste elimination as a proxy for a vagina - how is a man offering himself or using another as a substitute for a woman (penetrative sex) supportive of masculinity? We have this anal perspective constantly pushed at us. Google "Gay Sex" - you can't get away from the buttnasty. I've been down that road before myself, but I've wised up, for many reasons - it's degrading, dangerous and deadly behavior and has nothing to do with what this site should celebrate - the penis. I think I touched on all my gripes with gAydom now. I see too much COMPLICITY. About 7 years ago, I stopped identifying with "gay". Visit g0ys[dot]org - g0ys is spelled g-zero-y-s.

By spermkiss at 29,Sep,11 01:05 other posts of spermkiss

As you so wisely said, stereotypes have their roots in truth. But should we gay men feel guilty about being so sexual. I don't think so. We do it because we can.

Truth be known, most straight men would be just as promiscuous as we gay men are IF THEY COULD. But straight men have sex with women and by and large it's harder to get a women in the sack than a man. And many straight male celebrities (actors, musicians, atheletes, etc.) who have women throwing themselves at them are indeed quite promiscuous.

So to all my younger gay brothers who want to have and active sex life, I say "Go for it and don't feel guilty abouit it." When I was younger I certainly did and I've got no regrets. Now, in my mature years I've settled down and am happily married to a wonderful man. (See my Blog for more on this.)

By #164428 at 29,Sep,11 02:02

I don't say this confrontationally, but I found it funny!

You said that, by and large, it's harder to get a woman in the sack than a man. That, too, is a stereotype!

Being a woman, and spending a lot of time with women throughout my life and reading women's mags, I've found they're often just as horny, and, sometimes, more so(!) than men.

I'm loving all the discussion!

By #89828 at 29,Sep,11 03:44

This is great, isn't it Steffi?(May I call you Steffi?) One of the main reasons I stick with this site is the chance to have an actual discussion!

By #164428 at 29,Sep,11 03:56

You may certainly call me Steffi!

And me, too!

By spermkiss at 29,Sep,11 16:59 other posts of spermkiss

Steffi, Sweetheart (may I call you that?), I didn't say that women weren't just as sexual as men, I said that it's (generally) harder to get a woman in the sack. Women are usually more cautious about casual sex with men because society looks disparagingly at women who sleep around, calling them pushovers, round heels or sluts. But men who sleep around are looked upon with admiration and called macho and studs. I know this isn't fair, but that's the way it is. Often, life is not fair.

By #164428 at 29,Sep,11 18:09

You certainly may!

And that's certainly true: the old double standard.

By spermkiss at 29,Sep,11 23:20 other posts of spermkiss

Yes, Sweetheart, the old double standard. It's been around for a long, long time. Let's hope we can nail the coffin closed on it sometime in our lifetimes.

By #131063 at 29,Sep,11 13:10

@spermkiss

RE: "We do it because we can."

Yep...all the way to the grave, in some unfortunate cases.

RE: 2nd paragraph...

Two wrongs don't make a right.

RE: 3rd paragraph...

Now that you've encouraged an often uneducated, ill-informed younger generation to 'go for it', how about offering something in the manner of responsible advice regarding dangerous and deadly sexual behaviors; the realities of STD's; the pitfalls of not having adequate medical insurance; the very real possibilities of dying at a young age...shall I continue?

By #89828 at 29,Sep,11 18:05

spermkiss(may I call you that?)--as proof that I am not just hornybrat-bashing here, I want to note that he DOES make a valid point in the middle of his comment. Just because you CAN do something, it doesn't mean that you SHOULD.(I CAN,for example, shout profanity in the middle of a crowded shopping mall, but I really SHOULDN'T) I have read many of your comments in this forum and, while you often give very good advice, you do repeat the "If it feels good--do it!" idea a lot. Glad it all worked out well for you (really!), but I am not sure that is always the best road for everyone to take. Many of the problems in society, as a whole, these days is that people have forgotten how to exercise self-restraint (no B&D jokes, please) and discretion.

By spermkiss at 29,Sep,11 23:44 other posts of spermkiss

Well, as a gay man I've never felt that we gay men should have to apologize for our (sometimes wild) sexuality. Wild, promiscuous sex is very much a part of our gay heritage and I do not think that we should pretend that it did not (and does not) exist. Back in the sixties and seventies the gay bath houses were going full tilt and men would go and have sex with dozens of others in one night and even today the gay sex parties ("Guys Gone Wild" etc.) are still happening. Is this bad? I don't think so. Of course it's not for everyone, but a lot of men do like this sort of thing. For those who do not care to participate, that's their perogative as well.

Now, I'm not advocating public sex in an inapproprite venue, such as a schoolyard or a playground. But someplace where sex is de rigueur, such as a bath house, a gay nude beach or a gay sex party, why not? Sex is good.

By spermkiss at 29,Sep,11 23:16 other posts of spermkiss

RE: "...all the way to the grave..."

It sounds as though you're preaching abstinence and backing it up with dire warnings about death or severe health consequences if that is not adhered to. Unfortunately that just doesn't work. The sex drive is enormous and people have sex despite the risks.

RE: "Two wrongs don't make a right."

Is sex wrong? This sounds very much like the religious fundementalists who say sex is only for making babies and any recreational use is bad.

RE: "...uneducated, ill-informed younger generation..."

This is why comprehensive sex education is so important and why it is so tragic that the religious fundimentalists are doing everything they can to keep it out of schools, instead preaching abstinence which JUST DOESN'T WORK.

Shall I continue?

By #89828 at 29,Sep,11 12:41

hornybrat-Your statement "Stereotypes have their roots in truth" is not accurate. They have their roots in what a majority BELIEVE to be true or what a large group has DECIDED is true.Stereotypes, when examined, often prove to be based on propaganda, prejudice and UNtruth...with little or no factual basis other than anecdotal. Examples of stereotypes which have no root in "truth" (not meaning to offend anyone, btw, just illustrating a point): All Women hoard shoes, all Irish are drunks, all Asians are great at math, all Mexicans are lazy,every Italian is in the mob, all Gays are effeminate, agenda pushing sluts who will not be happy until they have converted every innocent schoolboy to their evil and gawdless ways, thus bringing about the end of civilization as we know it. What you BELIEVE and what is TRUE are two very different things...

By #131063 at 29,Sep,11 13:21

@justlookin:

...and much of that propaganda comes from WITHIN the Gay Community.

The other examples you give; I agree that those caricatures have been suggested in public. However, there IS one community where these caricatures can be seen with regularity. Go to any gay club and you can find every faction represented. Go to ANY gay pride parade and you can find every faction represented. Oh yeah, sure, not every average gay guy fits the picture...but likewise few do anything to dispel the false representations either.
silcom[dot]com/~bigguys/UNprideParades/UNprideParades[dot]html

From: g0ys[dot]org/initialize[dot]htm

'When people began to use the term "GAY", it primarily meant "Same-Sex-Attracted". G0YS have no issue with that original, simple meaning. However, over time, -the term has taken on lots of ASSociated-baggage as a result of stigmas from stereotypes - many aggressively & shamelessly promoted in the "GAY MALE COMMUNITY" itself.

It is one thing to be slurred by "outsiders"; -- However, the bulk of Gay-male stigmas are promoted as "gay-culture" from within the "gay-male demographic". When a group declares itself "anathema", what appeal to "tolerance" remains? None!

The current general use of the term now brings a series of images to people's minds that actually have nothing to do with simple SameSex attractions (but are now inseparably welded to the word in the public psyche). The use has become so distorted over time -that saying "gay-sex" is now generally presumed as synonymous w. "anal-sex" (even the mass-media regularly interchanges the two). Not only does the "GAY COMMUNITY" seem "ok" with that stereotype, but heavily promotes it -& many others just as debased.

As a result, G0YS find the current use of the term "GAY" to be vulgar, & acutely repugnant to our ethos. Our disrespect of the term reflects our feelings about the contemporary implications (implied stigmas/stereotypes); -not a disdain for the original (simplistic) use. Please bear this in mind whenever you see any g0y commentary critical of "GAY".'
- G0YS Founder

By #89828 at 29,Sep,11 03:41

An afterthought-"hornybrat", your "afterthought" implies that the people who visit SYD must be, by reason of being here, unhappy and with out bliss in their lives. If that is the case, I am sorry for your sadness... Also, I am not sure who is watching to see that I have "Opened the door to suspicion" (There should have been a BUM-BUM-BAH!!!! after that, no?) Part of a strong relationship...gay or straight...is TRUST. My guy and I have that. If I run into any suspicious Gay Cops, I will tell them that all is well!

By #131063 at 29,Sep,11 13:26

One of my g0y brothers occasionally invites me here to read and perhaps comment in a discussion he think might be of interest to me and provide guys with an opportunity to explore an alternative perspective - one that is growing exponentially. Anyplace I can promote g0ys[dot]org...I welcome the opportunity. It makes me very happy and brings much bliss to lead a few guys away from behavior patterns that have caused a whole community to go off the rails.

By #131063 at 28,Sep,11 22:29

An afterthought - "justlookin", you brought up this topic, and have stated you and your partner are 'happy and monogamous'.

So if your life is filled with bliss, why are you here? I know you say you're "Just Lookin".

I say "You've opened the door to suspicion..."

By #89828 at 29,Sep,11 03:26

Not so. Looking is different than touching. One of the main reasons I am here is to talk with other guys who have common interests. My partner and I live in an area where there aren't a lot of opportunities to socialize with other gay/bi men...so I come here to talk with folk who have shared similar life experience. Just because we are OUT to our families does NOT mean that they undderstand where we are coming from. SYD is a good place to chat with folk who have common ground with me. My partner is a GREAT cook, but I sometimes watch FoodNetwork...doesn't mean I want to bang Bobby Flay! I didn't post the thought to ruffle feathers or to claim that guys who have multiple partners are "twisted", I just wanted to point out that not ALL gay folk are promiscuous and try to raise the level of conversation a bit above "Hey, rate my cock."

By #131063 at 29,Sep,11 13:22

The best way to do that is aggressively ostracize the elements here that drag the perceptions of same-gender-attraction into the gutter.

Gay Stereotype

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