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Gay guys who don't like anal?

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Started by #559922 at 04,Jul,18 07:21
Most gay men I've met tell me they love anal, but how common is it for a gay man to not enjoy receiving OR giving anal sex?

If you fit into the category, is it easy to find people who share your views? Or are most guys happy just not to do anal with you even though they enjoy it?



Similar topics: 1.male dildo/vibrator use   2.Strap-on Sex   3.question mainly for the gay guys   4.anal sex? painful or pleasurable?   5.Important facts about anal sex?  

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By spermkiss at 04,Jul,18 12:13 other posts of spermkiss 
An interesting point and you might want to begin by pulling up my Forum post from more than three years ago "The Evolution of Gay Sex". That post didn't generate as much interest as I thought it would. We'll see what happens this time.

OK, down to the nitty gritty of numbers. I have read (I don't remember where) that roughly one third of gay men do not do anal, either giving or receiving. I have no way of knowing how accurate this figure might be, but the bottom line (pun definitely intended) is that there are indeed a substantial number of gay men who do not engage in anal sex. As for the gay men in your circle of friends almost universally saying they love anal, well I can think of two possibilities for this. One is that you just seem to have a lot of gay friends who like anal. The other is that perhaps they are bending to social pressure: they're gay so they're supposed to like anal.
By #556372 at 04,Jul,18 18:25
I'm BI so maybe I'm biased but when I'm with a man I wish to be penetrated and I want to do him too. I feel that the same enjoyment I have with my wife can be experienced having anal with a man. Having said that, we all know that cum and skat are not the same and, in my opinion, that is the main reason for declining anal.

By MM_DD at 05,Jul,18 07:40 other posts of MM_DD 
I would say one third sounds about right, more or less. I don't know about the societal pressure thing, because as I said in another post, it would seem to me that societal pressure stigmatizes anal sex even though it stereotypes it for us as gay men. In my almost 30 years as an out gay man, I've never gotten the impression that any of my gay male friends or even acquaintances have ever done anal because of pressure. If anything, it's naturally wired in them.

Speaking personally, I know my own sexual attraction to the male ass and male asshole came completely naturally to me. I learned through sex that I do NOT like bottoming (being penetrated) but that I do like topping (penetrating). However, my own oral inclinations (again, naturally developed) usually supersede my desire for or interest in intercourse.
By spermkiss at 05,Jul,18 15:33 other posts of spermkiss 
I seriously doubt that liking anal sex is "naturally wired" in gay men. The gay orientation yes, the desire for and/or enjoyment of anal sex no. Data I have read (again I don't remember where, but my brain seems to soak up sex information, especially gay sex information, like a sponge) have indicated that many men derive pleasure from prostate stimulation from anal penetration. Some men can even climax this way with little or no stimulation to the penis. I know this is true from the number of men who have climaxed while I fucked them.

So how many men enjoy being penetrated? Somewhere between a third and a half of the male population. Since only three or four percent of men are gay, it follows that there are a lot of straight men out there who like taking it in the ass. In my personal life I've known several. In a survey I read about (again I don't remember where) an astonishing ten percent (ten percent!) of straight men were candid enough to admit to liking being penetrated.

The other side of the coin is how many gay men do not. Despite the fact that I'm as gay as they come (gay as pink ink, queer as a three dollar bill), like you I do not enjoy being penetrated. That's not to say I haven't done it because I have, dozens (no hundreds; what can I say, when I was younger I was a major slut) of times. If the guy was really hot and/or if he was someone I was fond of, the knowledge that he was using my ass for his sexual gratification made it enjoyable. But the feeling was strictly psychological and emotional. The physical pleasure just wasn't there.

So there we are. Some straight men (no, a lot of straight men) like taking it in the ass, and some gay men (like you and me) do not.
By MM_DD at 05,Jul,18 16:02 other posts of MM_DD 
You're misunderstanding me. I did not mean that liking anal sex was "naturally wired" in gay men. That would be a generalization. I'm referring to the gay men who DO enjoy and/or have a desire for anal sex of some kind. They may be attracted to a man's ass and want to penetrate it, or they may have a natural desire for a man to penetrate them. If it's not a natural desire, then that means it's learned or, as you suggested, pressured into liking...and I don't agree with that perspective at all. Of course, you learn the mechanics of gay sex, and if you like something, you keep doing it; if you don't, you stop and you do something else.

Again, making it personal here, my attraction to the male ass was never learned or the result of some kind of pressure. As for my enjoyment of anal sex, I learned early on that I enjoy it only as a top. However, the desire to go there in the first place was something that naturally developed in me.

As for straight men enjoying/desiring anal, that's a whole different subject. We were talking specifically about gay men.



By MM_DD at 05,Jul,18 08:41 other posts of MM_DD 
Just read your "Evolution of Gay Sex" post from three years. Very interesting to learn how things were back during the 60's and to compare it to the early 90's, which is when I came out and started having sex. Obviously the 80's changed everything because of the AIDS crisis. What I do wonder, though, is how the "evolution" of gay sex would compare to the same evolution in heterosexual circles. For example, back in the 60's I would imagine that for a typical male-female couple, missionary sex would've been considered the standard, and anything varying from that would've been considered something "nice" people didn't do. I wonder how much of these acts, gay and straight alike, were done behind closed doors anyway but just weren't freely talked about like they are today.
By spermkiss at 05,Jul,18 15:43 other posts of spermkiss 
Of course you are right. In the straight world the missionary position was "normal" and anything else was "perverted". But a lot of things happened behind closed doors. And the same thing goes in the gay world, probably more so since gay men were already engaging in "the love that dare not speak it's name". (By the way, there was a great line in one of Amistead Maupin's "Tales of the City" books. In San Francisco the love that dare not speak it's name practically never shuts up.)

Now-a-days it's anything goes.




By #559922 at 04,Jul,18 15:54
It's often occurred to me that, as you say, maybe gay men are conditioned to like anal. Just because it's the only orifice available to them doesn't mean they have to like it 😂
By MM_DD at 05,Jul,18 07:13 other posts of MM_DD 
I don't think conditioning plays a role. If anything, society's stigmatization of anal sex would be a much bigger factor. The fact that so many gay men still crave anal means it's naturally wired in them.



By foreskinlover52 at 05,Jul,18 06:04 other posts of foreskinlover52 
Never met a man that didnt enjoy anal sex..I love the feeling of a hard cock deep inside my ass! The hardest orgasm for me was anal..I love it!


By MM_DD at 04,Jul,18 11:08 other posts of MM_DD 
I would say it's far more common than you think. There are degrees of enjoyment of any particular sex act, and it varies from man to man. In my experience, I've know several gay guys aren't into anal at all, giving or receiving. My husband and I haven't had anal sex in years, but we frequently engage in anal play (specifically me doing things to him). And I can assure you we have a very satisfying sex life.
By spermkiss at 04,Jul,18 11:56 other posts of spermkiss 
I'm inclined to think that you are correct when you say it's more common than one might think. See my separate post for more comments. By the way, my husband and I don't do anal either.
By MM_DD at 04,Jul,18 12:06 other posts of MM_DD 
My husband and I engaged in anal intercourse quite frequently during our early years together, with me as the top. It was wonderful and delicious and very fulfilling. As our relationship progressed and we began to age together, we shifted more into a mostly oral relationship, which has been equally fulfilling. There are so many ways that two men can pleasure and satisfy each other. Anal doesn't necessarily have to play a role in that satisfaction.
By spermkiss at 04,Jul,18 12:15 other posts of spermkiss 
Wow! It sure didn't take long for you to see my reply and to make a reply to my reply. I hadn't even finished making my separate post.
By MM_DD at 04,Jul,18 14:53 other posts of MM_DD 
I guess I was on the ball, at least for the moment.









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