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JOKES, ANECDOTES, PUNS, PERSONAL OR OTHER FUN STORIES

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Started by #562152 at 02,Jan,19 15:28
DO YOU HAVE A FUNNY STORY, PERSONAL OR OTHERWISE? ANY PUNS, ANECDOTES, OR JOKES? THEY CAN BE ABOUT SEX OR NOT. JUST MAKE THEM FUNNY. ILLUSTRATIONS ARE OK.



Similar topics: 1.SEX JOKES.   2.Military hookups   3.Dumpster jokes and humour....   4.A word of thanks to JohnS   5.Billy Cosby sentence 3 to 5 years.  

New Comment

Comments:
By TWOWARMTTS2 at 16,Feb,19 18:56 other posts of TWOWARMTTS2 


----------------------------------------------------------
My opinion


By spermkiss at 21,Jan,19 01:35 other posts of spermkiss 
Years ago I had an interesting experience with a male hustler. For those who might not know, a hustler is a young straight man who sells his body to gay men for cash. Since the hustler is ostensibly straight, generally he will only assume inserter roles, allowing the client to suck him off being far and away the most frequent. However, for the right amount of money, nothing is off the table.

I was going around the gay pick up block downtown and spotted the hustler. Since I was looking for another gay man I didn't give him much notice. The second time around he got into my car without hesitation. He wanted to get off the street, perhaps he had issues with the police. Since I knew he was hustling I made it quite clear at the outset that I wouldn't pay him anything. But we could go to my place and have a few beers. He was OK with that. On the way there I learned that he was 32 years old and had been hustling sine he was 16, half his life. I was in my late twenties at the time.

Back at my place he saw some handicraft items that I had made. He really liked them so I gave him one. He said he was going to give it to his girlfriend. Then he said "Now I'm going to thank you." With that he took out his upper plate and gave me an absolutely mind blowing gum job, the likes of which I haven't had before or since. And yes, he swallowed. I wonder if he told his girlfriend what he did to get the handicraft item he gave her.


By #577391 at 19,Jan,19 12:14
IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED? HAHA


By #577391 at 19,Jan,19 12:07


By #577391 at 18,Jan,19 20:52
By dgraff at 18,Jan,19 21:26 other posts of dgraff 
My time is coming it's supposed to snow here in Pennsylvania there calling fore 12 inches
By #577391 at 18,Jan,19 21:43
I never understood why anyone would like to live in a freezer
By dgraff at 18,Jan,19 21:56 other posts of dgraff 
It's great every thing is clean and fresh you can breathe better and it's fresh and cool





By #562152 at 15,Jan,19 22:55
I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT GETS MAD

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.....

You have the balls, even though the do appear rather useless and small, to criticize me. Yet for the 3 weeks that you've been here, YOU have been involved with gathering subs, why? For points and attention? In the 3 weeks you've been here, YOU have posted posted 5 or 6 blogs, why? For points and attention? In the 3 weeks that you've been here, your posts in the forum are 100% abrasive, yes, even the one you directed toward routemaster, why? For points and attention?

How about this, fu@k you and the horse you rode in on!
By Scorpio69 at 15,Jan,19 23:03 other posts of Scorpio69 
😯 Who? Do tell...
By #562152 at 15,Jan,19 23:08
By Scorpio69 at 15,Jan,19 23:12 other posts of Scorpio69 
DOH! 😖 🤐🤐🤐🤐





By Scorpio69 at 14,Jan,19 15:25 other posts of Scorpio69 
Picture it!

My Son and I were standing in line at the bank the other day, right behind an incredibly large woman. Following in his Father's footsteps, he's become quite the people watcher, like myself. As we were standing there, my phone started beeping (my notification that I've just received a text message). Anyway, with the utmost quickness, determination and a look of horror on his face. 😮 He suddenly shoves me backwards and says... "LOOKOUT DAD! She's backing up!"
By #562152 at 14,Jan,19 16:26
HAHAHA,,,,
By Scorpio69 at 15,Jan,19 22:57 other posts of Scorpio69 
👍😁




By leopoldij at 15,Jan,19 19:24 other posts of leopoldij 
**********************
What do prisoners use
to call each other?
**********************
By #562152 at 15,Jan,19 19:52
What?
By leopoldij at 15,Jan,19 19:57 other posts of leopoldij 
Cell phones, of course.
By #562152 at 15,Jan,19 20:50





By #562152 at 13,Jan,19 10:29
ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
--------------------------------------- added after 39 seconds

WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
--------------------------------------- added after 59 seconds

IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
--------------------------------------- added after 101 seconds

IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
By leopoldij at 15,Jan,19 03:27 other posts of leopoldij 
1. Atheism is an unbelievable concept

2. The opposite of hypothetical is hyperthetical.

3. A metonym is almost synonymous to synonym and a synonym almost metonymous to metonym. Ask dgraff, he's a native English speaker. Apparently.

4. Now, that's sexist. Women mutes can remain silent too.
By #562152 at 15,Jan,19 07:35
By leopoldij at 15,Jan,19 08:37 other posts of leopoldij 
I daresay this was a decent reply, coming from a Frenchman, eh?
By #562152 at 15,Jan,19 09:17
Voltaire n'aurait pas pu mieux faire,,,,,,
By leopoldij at 15,Jan,19 12:52 other posts of leopoldij 
On ne peut pas parler cette langue ici. Dgraff n'est pas d'accord.
--------------------------------------- added after 59 seconds

Piensas, quizas, que la bruja habla frances?
By #562152 at 15,Jan,19 12:56
Dgraff es un hijo de una gran puta. Ese boludo le gusta lo que pica el pollo. Que se valla a la mierda.
I'm sorry,,,Papa was great but he could cuss in seven languages and i guess i learned it all,,,
--------------------------------------- added after 68 seconds

la bruja???? si ni siquiera sabe hablar ingles or sexo,,,
By leopoldij at 15,Jan,19 15:22 other posts of leopoldij 
De acuerdo. La bruja esta muy sexísima.
By dgraff at 15,Jan,19 18:26 other posts of dgraff 
Cheese onth crackers chacky haft you seen such a flashlight laying around though steel I need it to throw the cow over the fence some hay I heard das Leo and onth two sagging tits are das christly elt bip slickers
By #562152 at 15,Jan,19 18:41
What would you know
By leopoldij at 15,Jan,19 19:14 other posts of leopoldij 
Il est vraiment un connard de première classe.

By leopoldij at 15,Jan,19 19:15 other posts of leopoldij 
Y po russkii, durak!!
By #562152 at 15,Jan,19 19:18













By #562152 at 11,Jan,19 23:36
WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS WHY, FROM BELLA TO THE LAST FOOL ON SITE, EVERYONE THINKS THAT LIX AND/OR AUSSIE IS MY MENTOR/HERO/KEEPER/MINDER/ OR ANYTHING MORE THAN MY ON LINE FRIENDS. IS THIS THE WAY YOU PEOPLE LIVE YOUR LIVES ON LINE? ARE YOU PEOPLE SO SHALLOW, SO INTO THIS CRAP WE CALL SYC/SYD THAT YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY ACT THIS WAY??????zzzzzzz
By leopoldij at 15,Jan,19 08:41 other posts of leopoldij 
Not only she's not your mentor or hero, but you are different than her in many ways. Of course, this does not prevent you from being friends with her. The only reason that they believe that is because they are projecting *their* situation (subordination to a sexless witch) to you.

You do have something in common with lix, however, and so do I and I think that most people here (excepting the site policy and his army) do: love sex.
By dgraff at 15,Jan,19 18:30 other posts of dgraff 
Hahaha fucktards




By leopoldij at 15,Jan,19 08:42 other posts of leopoldij 
The top 50 worst Christmas cracker jokes ever

1. Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A mince spy

2. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker

3. What's a horse's favourite TV show? Neigh-bours

4. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick

5. Why do birds fly south in the winter? It's too far to walk

6. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis

7. What did Cinderella say when her photos didn't arrive? "One day my prints will come!"

8. Did Rudolph go to school? No, he was elf-taught

9. What lies at the bottom of the sea shivering? A nervous wreck

10. Who is Santa's favourite singer? Elfis Presley

11. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve.

12. How many letters are in the alphabet at Christmas? 25 - there's no-el

13. Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? Because they always drop their needles

14. What did the farmer get for Christmas? A cowculator

15. Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer

16. What did one snowman say to the other snowman? "Can you smell carrots?"

17. Why can't a bike stand up by itself? It's two-tyred

18. What school subject are snakes best at? Hisssstory

19. What do you get if you lie under a cow? A pat on the head

20. How did Mary and Joseph figure out baby Jesus was exactly 7lb 9oz? They had a weigh in a manger

21. Which side of a turkey has the most feathers? The outside

22. What carol do they sing in the desert? O Camel Ye Faithful

23. What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence

24. What do you sing at a snowman's birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow

25. What happened to Santa when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker

26. Who's Rudolph's favourite singer? Beyon-sleigh

27. Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws

28. What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper

29. What's the most popular Christmas wine? "I don't like sprouts!"

30. What does a frog do if his car breaks down? He has it toad

31. Why does your nose get tired in winter? It runs all day

32. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite

33. What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut? A barber-queue

34. What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap

35. What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson

36. Why was the turkey in a band? He was the only one with drumsticks

37. What do reindeer put on their Christmas trees? Hornaments

38. What happened to the man who stole an Advent calendar? He got 25 days

39. What does Santa do when his elves misbehave? He gives them the sack

40. What happened when Santa got stuck in a chimney? He felt Claus-trophobic

41. What has four wheels and flies? A bin lorry

42. How do snowmen get around? By riding an icicle

43. How did Scrooge win the football match? The ghost of Christmas passed

44. Why is it getting so hard to buy Advent calendars? Their days are numbered

45. Why was Cinderella no good at football? Because her coach was a pumpkin

46. How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side

47. What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps

48. When do vampires like horse racing? When it's neck and neck

49. How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited? He keeps a logbook

50. What does a football team do when the pitch is flooded? Bring on the subs


By leopoldij at 02,Jan,19 17:30 other posts of leopoldij 
only registered users can see external links
By #562152 at 02,Jan,19 18:44
By leopoldij at 02,Jan,19 19:24 other posts of leopoldij 
you like the pussy, don't you?
By #562152 at 02,Jan,19 19:41
By #559941 at 05,Jan,19 03:07
By licksipsuckit at 05,Jan,19 17:29 other posts of licksipsuckit 
l hope he gets re-elected for another term, America deserves an orange president, shows you don't discriminate on the colour of a mans skin *lix*
By #562152 at 05,Jan,19 18:06






By #559941 at 05,Jan,19 03:16
By leopoldij at 05,Jan,19 12:02 other posts of leopoldij 
Every politician is a crook.
They should all go to jail.
In particular, for crimes against humanity.
By licksipsuckit at 05,Jan,19 18:22 other posts of licksipsuckit 
theyre like movie stars, Teflon coated and public funded .. nothing sticks and they can 'afford' the best barristers in the land.. *lix*


By leopoldij at 05,Jan,19 12:03 other posts of leopoldij 
This is a thread on fun though.
I apologize. I should just lighten up and be funny. Your t shirt posting *IS* funny indeed.
By #562152 at 05,Jan,19 18:48
My threads are for my friends enjoyment. Have fun
By dgraff at 11,Jan,19 18:57 other posts of dgraff 
Thanks I am






By #562152 at 11,Jan,19 18:12


By #562152 at 10,Jan,19 09:23


By #562152 at 07,Jan,19 09:02
Vender
By leopoldij at 08,Jan,19 02:56 other posts of leopoldij 
You should ask dgraff.
He doesn't understand English well.
I think he's Mexican.
By dgraff at 09,Jan,19 05:49 other posts of dgraff 
Baseball hot dogs Apple pie and Chevrolet
By #562152 at 09,Jan,19 09:06
Soccer, fish and chips, meat pie and Jaguars


By dgraff at 09,Jan,19 05:52 other posts of dgraff 
You don't speak English well Leo because your a silly Frenchman
By #562152 at 09,Jan,19 09:05
The correct word is "you're",,,,
By dgraff at 09,Jan,19 21:00 other posts of dgraff 
Blow me bitch
By leopoldij at 09,Jan,19 21:33 other posts of leopoldij 
She doesn't want to get an instant disease.

By #562152 at 10,Jan,19 09:21
You don't have a dick, pussy.


By leopoldij at 09,Jan,19 21:32 other posts of leopoldij 
The guy can't speak English. He's a troll, recruited by the bella to apply her morality principles: anything goes in here, EXCEPT sex.
By dgraff at 10,Jan,19 05:17 other posts of dgraff 
Bella Bella Bella is that all you can say any more







By leopoldij at 09,Jan,19 21:36 other posts of leopoldij 
This is not too funny, but I think too sexy. My best close-up ever.


--------------------------------------- added after 37 seconds

(Let's see how the dog will react. )
By dgraff at 10,Jan,19 05:14 other posts of dgraff 
Looks unhealthy and is that a sore I see you better get your self checked by a doctor after that one seriously though Leo I'm concerned about your health one day your going to catch something from one of your hookers something you don't want



By #562152 at 05,Jan,19 09:07
Hey, all!

Is anyone familiar with a former member by the screen name of born-to-please? If you are, a member by the name of WoooHoooo77 has asked about her. Apparently, she left due to health reasons and he is wondering how she is in the event that someone might have stayed in touch with her. Please contact WoooHoooo77 if you have any information to share. Thank you.

Per Bella
By leopoldij at 08,Jan,19 02:54 other posts of leopoldij 
Is that really what the bella posted?
By dgraff at 09,Jan,19 21:03 other posts of dgraff 
Bella Bella Bella
By leopoldij at 09,Jan,19 21:30 other posts of leopoldij 
You're in love with her?





By #562152 at 09,Jan,19 09:25


By leopoldij at 05,Jan,19 21:53 other posts of leopoldij 
Two hundred years ago there was a nice sex club in Britain.
Beggars Benison.

Here's an artefact from it:



Men and women used to get together and masturbate.

Entry from their proceedings:

"1737. St. Andrew's Day. 24 met, 3 tested and enrolled. All frigged [masturbated]. The Dr. expatiated. Two nymphs [young girls], 18 and 19, exhibited as heretofore. Rules were submitted by Mr. Lumsdaine for future adoption. Fanny Hill was read. Tempest. Broke up at 3 o'clock a.m."

I wonder who the Bella (a.k.a. site police) was back then. I'm sure there was one. One who infiltrates the sex club and tries to stop them. There's always one.
By dgraff at 06,Jan,19 21:27 other posts of dgraff 
Aussie man and even mitts calmed down but you and lix just keep on running your big fucking mouths
By leopoldij at 06,Jan,19 23:45 other posts of leopoldij 
What's your fucking problem? I'm not even talking about you, why do you care?
By dgraff at 07,Jan,19 05:34 other posts of dgraff 
I care for the same reason you don't like when I disrespected lix same thing shut your mouth and I will shut mine
By leopoldij at 07,Jan,19 15:51 other posts of leopoldij 
It's not that you disrespected lix, it's that your only purpose is to incite hatred.
You're NOT invited to incite hatred.
Do you speak English or should I say that in Arabic or whatever your native tongue is?
--------------------------------------- added after 2 minutes

لا تنتشر الكراهية
By dgraff at 07,Jan,19 19:52 other posts of dgraff 
I see you lix I have vulture eyes

By dgraff at 07,Jan,19 22:53 other posts of dgraff 
I'm 6ft 6in and 223lbs I think I earned the right to go were I want when I want I answer to no one and even though lix out weighs me by at least 75 lbs I still think I can trim her and you
By leopoldij at 08,Jan,19 02:49 other posts of leopoldij 
You really can't understand simple English.
By dgraff at 08,Jan,19 05:57 other posts of dgraff 
Try speaking hill Billy
By leopoldij at 08,Jan,19 23:03 other posts of leopoldij 
I found you on YouTube. Indeed, hill Billy is incomprehensible.

only registered users can see external links
By dgraff at 09,Jan,19 05:45 other posts of dgraff 
Yep good old boys



By dgraff at 08,Jan,19 06:10 other posts of dgraff 
You couldn't discuss the price of soap in a sex club two hundred years ago they didn't use any think about it most of them died at an early age due to sickness and communicable illnesses







By licksipsuckit at 07,Jan,19 04:06 other posts of licksipsuckit 
the vulture cant stay away *Lix*
By leopoldij at 08,Jan,19 02:52 other posts of leopoldij 
That Was a real sex club. Imagine the equivalent of Bella back then, one who would want to use the group as a forum for discussing soap prices rather than sex....




By #562152 at 08,Jan,19 09:21


By #562152 at 07,Jan,19 09:02
Su
By leopoldij at 08,Jan,19 02:55 other posts of leopoldij 
Que salen a vender... WHAT?



By #562152 at 07,Jan,19 09:02
A


By #562152 at 07,Jan,19 09:01
Salen


By #562152 at 07,Jan,19 09:01
Que


By #562152 at 07,Jan,19 09:01
Diferentes putas


By #562152 at 07,Jan,19 09:01
The


By #562152 at 07,Jan,19 09:00
That


By #562152 at 07,Jan,19 09:00
Believe


By #562152 at 07,Jan,19 09:00
I


By #562152 at 06,Jan,19 19:08
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
 
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
 
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
 
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
 
This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore
 
I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
 
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
 
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U. C. L. A.
 
I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
 
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
 
A will is a dead giveaway.
 
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
 Hahaha


By Scorpio69 at 02,Jan,19 16:03 other posts of Scorpio69 
Lesbians REFUSE to shop at Dick's... 😉
By #562152 at 02,Jan,19 16:17

By shyman at 05,Jan,19 16:34 other posts of shyman 
But you can always find them buying a bottle at a LickHer Store.
By Scorpio69 at 06,Jan,19 06:02 other posts of Scorpio69 
Very nice!




By #562152 at 05,Jan,19 08:59
WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS?  ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK- IN AND CLEAN THEM?


By #559941 at 05,Jan,19 03:11


By #559941 at 05,Jan,19 03:09


By strokesalot35 at 05,Jan,19 01:23 other posts of strokesalot35 
I'm trying to give up sexual innuendos. But, it's hard.

.. so, so hard.
By leopoldij at 05,Jan,19 02:36 other posts of leopoldij 
Never let a hard innuendo be wasted. Find a pussy and stick it in.
--------------------------------------- added after 38 seconds

Well, not ANY pussy, but a pussy that's worth that.
--------------------------------------- added after 98 seconds

You don't want, for example, to stick it in Bella's pussy. Both you and your innuendo will vanish.



By #562152 at 04,Jan,19 11:49


By #562152 at 03,Jan,19 17:25


By #562152 at 03,Jan,19 17:22


By #562152 at 02,Jan,19 16:21
By Scorpio69 at 02,Jan,19 16:44 other posts of Scorpio69 
Lmao

By dura2000 at 02,Jan,19 16:55 other posts of dura2000 
Ha ha.



By #559941 at 02,Jan,19 15:45
By #562152 at 02,Jan,19 16:17






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