Started by #562152 at 02,Jan,19 20:28
 | DO YOU HAVE A FUNNY STORY, PERSONAL OR OTHERWISE? ANY PUNS, ANECDOTES, OR JOKES? THEY CAN BE ABOUT SEX OR NOT. JUST MAKE THEM FUNNY. ILLUSTRATIONS ARE OK. |
Similar topics: 1.SEX JOKES. 2.Military hookups 3.Dumpster jokes and humour.... 4.A word of thanks to JohnS 5.Billy Cosby sentence 3 to 5 years.
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My opinion
I was going around the gay pick up block downtown and spotted the hustler. Since I was looking for another gay man I didn't give him much notice. The second time around he got into my car without hesitation. He wanted to get off the street, perhaps he had issues with the police. Since I knew he was hustling I made it quite clear at the outset that I wouldn't pay him anything. But we could go to my place and have a few beers. He was OK with that. On the way there I learned that he was 32 years old and had been hustling sine he was 16, half his life. I was in my late twenties at the time.
Back at my place he saw some handicraft items that I had made. He really liked them so I gave him one. He said he was going to give it to his girlfriend. Then he said "Now I'm going to thank you." With that he took out his upper plate and gave me an absolutely mind blowing gum job, the likes of which I haven't had before or since. And yes, he swallowed. I wonder if he told his girlfriend what he did to get the handicraft item he gave her.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.....
You have the balls, even though the do appear rather useless and small, to criticize me. Yet for the 3 weeks that you've been here, YOU have been involved with gathering subs, why? For points and attention? In the 3 weeks you've been here, YOU have posted posted 5 or 6 blogs, why? For points and attention? In the 3 weeks that you've been here, your posts in the forum are 100% abrasive, yes, even the one you directed toward routemaster, why? For points and attention?
How about this, fu@k you and the horse you rode in on!
My Son and I were standing in line at the bank the other day, right behind an incredibly large woman. Following in his Father's footsteps, he's become quite the people watcher, like myself. As we were standing there, my phone started beeping (my notification that I've just received a text message). Anyway, with the utmost quickness, determination and a look of horror on his face. 😮 He suddenly shoves me backwards and says... "LOOKOUT DAD! She's backing up!"
What do prisoners use
to call each other?
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WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
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IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
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IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
2. The opposite of hypothetical is hyperthetical.
3. A metonym is almost synonymous to synonym and a synonym almost metonymous to metonym. Ask dgraff, he's a native English speaker. Apparently.
4. Now, that's sexist. Women mutes can remain silent too.
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Piensas, quizas, que la bruja habla frances?
I'm sorry,,,Papa was great but he could cuss in seven languages and i guess i learned it all,,,
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la bruja???? si ni siquiera sabe hablar ingles or sexo,,,
You do have something in common with lix, however, and so do I and I think that most people here (excepting the site policy and his army) do: love sex.
1. Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A mince spy
2. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker
3. What's a horse's favourite TV show? Neigh-bours
4. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick
5. Why do birds fly south in the winter? It's too far to walk
6. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis
7. What did Cinderella say when her photos didn't arrive? "One day my prints will come!"
8. Did Rudolph go to school? No, he was elf-taught
9. What lies at the bottom of the sea shivering? A nervous wreck
10. Who is Santa's favourite singer? Elfis Presley
11. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve.
12. How many letters are in the alphabet at Christmas? 25 - there's no-el
13. Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? Because they always drop their needles
14. What did the farmer get for Christmas? A cowculator
15. Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer
16. What did one snowman say to the other snowman? "Can you smell carrots?"
17. Why can't a bike stand up by itself? It's two-tyred
18. What school subject are snakes best at? Hisssstory
19. What do you get if you lie under a cow? A pat on the head
20. How did Mary and Joseph figure out baby Jesus was exactly 7lb 9oz? They had a weigh in a manger
21. Which side of a turkey has the most feathers? The outside
22. What carol do they sing in the desert? O Camel Ye Faithful
23. What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence
24. What do you sing at a snowman's birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow
25. What happened to Santa when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker
26. Who's Rudolph's favourite singer? Beyon-sleigh
27. Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws
28. What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper
29. What's the most popular Christmas wine? "I don't like sprouts!"
30. What does a frog do if his car breaks down? He has it toad
31. Why does your nose get tired in winter? It runs all day
32. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite
33. What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut? A barber-queue
34. What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap
35. What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson
36. Why was the turkey in a band? He was the only one with drumsticks
37. What do reindeer put on their Christmas trees? Hornaments
38. What happened to the man who stole an Advent calendar? He got 25 days
39. What does Santa do when his elves misbehave? He gives them the sack
40. What happened when Santa got stuck in a chimney? He felt Claus-trophobic
41. What has four wheels and flies? A bin lorry
42. How do snowmen get around? By riding an icicle
43. How did Scrooge win the football match? The ghost of Christmas passed
44. Why is it getting so hard to buy Advent calendars? Their days are numbered
45. Why was Cinderella no good at football? Because her coach was a pumpkin
46. How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side
47. What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps
48. When do vampires like horse racing? When it's neck and neck
49. How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited? He keeps a logbook
50. What does a football team do when the pitch is flooded? Bring on the subs
They should all go to jail.
In particular, for crimes against humanity.
I apologize. I should just lighten up and be funny. Your t shirt posting *IS* funny indeed.
He doesn't understand English well.
I think he's Mexican.
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(Let's see how the dog will react. )
Is anyone familiar with a former member by the screen name of born-to-please? If you are, a member by the name of WoooHoooo77 has asked about her. Apparently, she left due to health reasons and he is wondering how she is in the event that someone might have stayed in touch with her. Please contact WoooHoooo77 if you have any information to share. Thank you.
Per Bella
Beggars Benison.
Here's an artefact from it:
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Men and women used to get together and masturbate.
Entry from their proceedings:
"1737. St. Andrew's Day. 24 met, 3 tested and enrolled. All frigged [masturbated]. The Dr. expatiated. Two nymphs [young girls], 18 and 19, exhibited as heretofore. Rules were submitted by Mr. Lumsdaine for future adoption. Fanny Hill was read. Tempest. Broke up at 3 o'clock a.m."
I wonder who the Bella (a.k.a. site police) was back then. I'm sure there was one. One who infiltrates the sex club and tries to stop them. There's always one.
You're NOT invited to incite hatred.
Do you speak English or should I say that in Arabic or whatever your native tongue is?
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لا تنتشر الكراهية
only registered users can see external links
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore
I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U. C. L. A.
I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Hahaha
.. so, so hard.
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Well, not ANY pussy, but a pussy that's worth that.
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You don't want, for example, to stick it in Bella's pussy. Both you and your innuendo will vanish.