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Don't be scared, just be less rapey...

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Started by JustWill at 03,Oct,18 12:39  other posts of JustWill
It's as simple as that.
Guys who don't ACT like predators don't get ACCUSED of acting like predators.
Here's a helpful tip: If you have to ask yourself "Gosh, is what I am doing/saying kind of rapey?"-- it probably is.
Stop doing/saying it immediately.

You're welcome,

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By phart at 04,Oct,18 14:21 other posts of phart 
Um,a contract signed by both parties before screwing? Alot less screwing would take place and there would be alot of wealthy lawyers!

By CountryCouple54 at 04,Oct,18 09:23 other posts of CountryCouple54 
I'm gonna change the subject a little bit, sorry Will. I agree with what all of you are saying. There will always be three sides to every story. There will be false allegations as well as legit allegations. Now I'm not talking about the Bill Cosby's who were drugging woman. But I want to ask you all about the Hollywood scene. For instance, the actresses who now 20-30 years later are coming out about producers, directors, and talent agents. Do you think at some point in those young girls careers. They didn't suck a dick or have sex willingly to get work. Chasing their dream to become a star. With it being a he said she said thing and no evidence. Why 30 years later can they bring charges against these men. Again, I'm not talking about r-ape or sex against their will. But if Cameron Diaz willfully sucked a dick to become the star she is today. Great, but own it. Now she is worth millions and wants to through a guy under the bus. I don't agree with that. Again, I'm only talking about similar cases. I think there should be some sort of statue of limitations. If you haven't come forward in 10 years, then it's over.
By phart at 04,Oct,18 10:22 other posts of phart 
You are a smart man!

By JustWill at 04,Oct,18 12:12 other posts of JustWill 
CC54, I understand what you are saying and even agree with the premise to a certain extent. If someone performs an action of their own free will, the choice was theirs and theirs alone. You can't blame someone for a choice you made.

However, there is an underlying issue there that people tend to overlook: Demanding that anyone performs a sexual act in order to get a job/promotion/raise/whatever is, in no way, shape, or form okay. If your boss demanded a blowjob for a promotion, you have every right to tell him to go to hell. Of course, you'd probably lose your job, but he had no right to make such a demand in the first place.

That's the angle I have been approaching that part of the #MeToo movement from since the beginning. Sure, those women made a choice, but being f@rced to make that choice should not be legal. The men (and women) who use their power to put people in that position need to be stopped.
--------------------------------------- added after 3 minutes

As to the statute of limitations issue, I don't disagree. I think that the problem is that it wasn't until now that many of those women felt that it was "safe" to come forward. By the way they are being treated, I'm pretty sure that they are discovering that it wasn't as "safe" as they thought. Still, the chances of being believed are greater now than they have been in the past.
I am sure that, as time goes by, women (or men) will start coming forward sooner. History just had to open the door for that to happen as it should.
By CountryCouple54 at 04,Oct,18 12:42 other posts of CountryCouple54 
Yes I agree with all that. I was talking more along the lines about women who have done it by their choice to move up. It's back to that he said she said and hard to prove. Once these allegations are brought to the table, the accused life is over. Yes now is finally the time for all victims to come forward. It is a safer time to do so. But what about from this point forward. Are we still going to have people coming forward 20 years from now?
By JustWill at 04,Oct,18 12:59 other posts of JustWill 
That's a good question.
One of the tricky things about dealing with sexual assault victims is that, in many ways, they often suffer through mental/emotional issues similar to those seen in people with PTSD. They frequently "blank" on details or, in some cases, the incident itself. Later in life, certain circumstances can "trigger" their memory, and cause bits and pieces to come back. Trauma has that effect on the human mind.

My hope is that, as things become more safe for people to report (and more people come to understand (or accept) the complications--mental and emotional--that a victim has to deal with), there will be less stigma connected to coming forward and cases will be resolved sooner.

Maybe, putting the fear of actually being held accountable for their actions will make some of those offenders think twice before victimizing someone. (I am not really optimistic about that, though. As a general rule, people suck.)
By kebmo at 04,Oct,18 13:55 other posts of kebmo 
As far as the Hollywood scene is concerned, perhaps there were expectations on both sides that are now dissipating. Women will no longer think that it is their roll to suck it to get that plum roll and the men that make the decisions will no longer feel entitled to that blowjob from every hot young actress or intern that enters their office.

As an aside, Canada does not have a statute of limitations on any crime.

By admin at 03,Oct,18 13:17 other posts of admin 
I envy you. Apparently you do not have enemies nor substantial possessions that can possibly be extorted. I've seen a lot of people accused and even sentenced based on falsified evidence and testimonies for political or financial gains.

I know a man, who had written several false complaints to police because he had a financial disagreement with hotel owners he worked for. Like they are running d.rug operation in the hotel, then that they don't pay taxes, etc. And the "funny" part was that he robbed them, not that they did not pay him salary or something. He had stolen a motor boat from them and they tried to demand him. But he was more experienced with criminal matters and disgraceful. Probably had some kind of criminal past.

It does not matter how you behave, if needed they can make some shit up. Like that case with Assange. The girl was with him consensually and admitted to that, but then suddenly he is a rapist because second time he did not put condom or did not ask her if she wanted to go again, but she did not say anything, how the fuck are you supposed to know? Do we need a lawyer, written contract, live witnesses and a camera every time we have sex now?

Also that logic - don't behave like a predator and you will not be ever accused is pretty much like a statement "don't look like a whore and you will never be sexually assaulted". You either a sexual predator or you are not. If you just like to make jokes about sex or like to make compliments to women that does not make you a sexual predator. But it can be seen as "behaves like a predator" depending on subjective perception of some people. And such opinions is something that you can't really disprove.
By JustWill at 03,Oct,18 14:17 other posts of JustWill 
Of course people manipulate the law and lie about each other. That's been happening since the beginning of history. The Salem Witch Trials and the McCarthy Hearings are two prime examples of that here in the US.
People suck.
The issue I am talking about, though, is all of the idiotic "I worry about my sons" bullshit that the American conservatives are spouting in light of the #MeToo Movement. They keep going on and on about how their boys will be "falsely" accused of sexual harassment if we start believing that women who report that they were victimized are being truthful. The simple truth is that if they TEACH their sons how to behave, there isn't any real reason to worry--unless their son is a total asshole. Teach your sons to treat women the way you want men to treat your daughters. How hard is that?
Do false charges of sexual abuse happen? Yes, they do.
However, statistically speaking, only 2%-6% of investigated charges (remember, only about 40% of sexual assaults are actually reported!), are found to be false. Those are really small percentages to cause so much "worry" about the well-being of your sons over.
By admin at 03,Oct,18 14:38 other posts of admin 
In general most of charges are true, indeed, because most of the assaults happen in ghetto or some white trash trailer parks. There is no sense to accuse those people without real reason, they have nothing, they mean nothing. Though sometimes it happens too, like when a girl wants to get vindictive over a break-up, or wants to threaten a guy into marrying her or some other stupid shit. But indeed those cases are not common.

But if you select only accusations made against wealthy and powerful people where there is something to gain or lose, you may find that the stats are different.
By JustWill at 03,Oct,18 15:39 other posts of JustWill 
Wealthy, powerful guys are just as rapey as the guys in the ghetto. Wealth and power tends to make them feel more entitled to "grab them by the pussy". Those guys just tend to get away with it more.
By admin at 03,Oct,18 16:32 other posts of admin 
I think it's a myth spread by leftists. I had occasions to meet people from wealthy families and most of them were much more polite, reasonable and self-controlled than people from ghetto. I was practically raised in one so I know what I'm talking about. Indeed there is always some black sheep here and there among hereditary wealthy, but they are not the norm.

Worst people in my experience are the new rich, who suddenly popped up from social bottom. I have seen a lot of them in Eastern Europe. They are often blinded by power that money give them, but were never taught style, manners or restrain.
By kebmo at 03,Oct,18 16:45 other posts of kebmo 
I don't think that a person's propensity for sexual assault is in any way related to their income or education. How much time you spend in jail for such a crime certainly is though.
By bella! at 03,Oct,18 16:51 other posts of bella! 
In American history, the Kennedy family comes to mind and their wealth and social status kept them above the law.

By admin at 03,Oct,18 22:01 other posts of admin 
Indeed it is related. I'm surprised I can't find any studies on this subject, but for me it's kinda obvious. The less educated people are the less respect they have towards others. Which among other things causes sexual assaults. And the less educated people tend to be the poorest people.

Here is the related study, about correlation between education and crime in general (r@pes included) - only registered users can see external links

By leopoldij at 04,Oct,18 08:42 other posts of leopoldij 
In some countries, there is a proposal that a contract
must be signed before sex occurs:
only registered users can see external links
By admin at 04,Oct,18 09:18 other posts of admin 
That was to be expected. However, if they make it a practice, the birth rates will drop even more.
By leopoldij at 04,Oct,18 09:23 other posts of leopoldij 
That was to be expected in general or in the particular country? Which of the two do you mean?
By admin at 04,Oct,18 10:24 other posts of admin 
It was expected that sooner or later at least some country tries to do that. Sweden was a likely candidate, it was clear from Assange's case that their laws on that subject were already more far in that direction than other countries laws. But even if Sweden does not do this now, someone else probably will do this later. Unless current trends change to something else. That's what I meant.
By leopoldij at 04,Oct,18 10:30 other posts of leopoldij 
Ok. Thanks. You're right.

By phart at 04,Oct,18 10:28 other posts of phart 
I am glad some folks see the reality of this situtation. Words are all that is required now to ruin someone's carreer,marriage,life in general. It is a slippery slope this Meto movement has pushed our society over and it is going to get much worse. There is hardly a male human alive that did not talk to or touch a girl at some point allthough she may have liked it at the time.A simple kiss,or a date that went wrong,can all be thrown back out as a "raP#". I know there is a pic going around by email of a 2 year old holding the breast of a Hooters girl and it says under it, "He will never get anywhere in Washington!"

By #562152 at 04,Oct,18 09:56
Admin, I just read all your inputs. You have a right to believe in what you say, but, I'm surprised that not one of the other men called you on some of your most outrageous statements.

By bella! at 03,Oct,18 13:18 other posts of bella! 

A number of years ago, my síster allowed her youngest boy to use the family car to drive from her area in Michigan to Sandusky, Ohio to go to Cedar Point for the day and an overnight stay. The trip is about 3 to 3.5 hours, her son, my nephew was 16 and the other boys were 16, too. Now, not being a parent, perhaps all my brain cells are not fried and I wondered where these young boys were going to stay, because they are still considered legally minors and what yo-yo entity would even assume the liability of overseeing 5 or 6 minors?

When the nephew returns from his adventure, I'm talking to him and asking about the overnight trip. He mentions so-and-so went and the other so-and-so, a couple more names and then "Sam". Having never heard him mention Sam, I ask him whether Sam is a boy or girl and much to my, I'm not going to say surprise, I'm going to say disbelief, he admits Sam is a girl. As I recall, the first thing that I said was something like, "Are you crazy?" Then I went on to say that all these fellas stuffed into one tent PLUS 1 young girl was a recipe for BIG problems. All she would need to say is that YOU touched her against her wishes, etc and your life, as you know it, is over. And of course, I received a typical 16 year old response, "Timmy would say that I didn't!"

He will soon be 32 years old and this trip MAY comeback to haunt him......

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