Joke Central

By Icudoiwill2 at 23,Sep,17 23:02 other posts of Icudoiwill2

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

By Icudoiwill2 at 21,Sep,17 17:25 other posts of Icudoiwill2

When a women wears a bikini she exposes 90% of her body. But most men have enough respect to only stair at the clothed bits..

By licksipsuckit at 21,Sep,17 18:07 other posts of licksipsuckit

lol, and when you take it off, they try not to stare at the bits that were covered.. *lix*

By leopoldij at 21,Sep,17 10:14 other posts of leopoldij

Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes balistic, "You impotent bastard! How could you lie to me all these years?" Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."

By dgraff at 15,Sep,17 06:00 other posts of dgraff

A cow boy an American Indian and a Australian are sitting in a bar the Indian says once we were many now we are few the Australian said once we were few now we are many and the cowboy replies that's because we haven't played Cowboys and Australians yet

By RealTitsLover at 15,Sep,17 06:41 other posts of RealTitsLover

Ya know, there's at least a few Australians on here that have mentioned to me how much they dislike a couple other Australian members... So maybe some would be worth saving?

By dgraff at 15,Sep,17 17:55 other posts of dgraff

Your right I have some good Australians that I talk to and I shouldn't take it out on the good ones just because of a hand full of bad ones

By leopoldij at 28,Aug,17 18:09 other posts of leopoldij

What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years, your job will still suck.

By DJS at 15,Sep,17 04:57 other posts of DJS

By leopoldij at 15,Sep,17 08:25 other posts of leopoldij

personal experience my friend...

By DJS at 15,Sep,17 11:40 other posts of DJS

Yes, that,s why women smile when walking back down the isle after marriage,that,s the end off BJ

By leopoldij at 15,Sep,17 08:29 other posts of leopoldij

Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
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A: By becoming a ventriloquist!

By licksipsuckit at 10,Sep,17 23:06 other posts of licksipsuckit

Two elderly women, Mary and Susan, were sitting outside their nursing home, enjoying a coffee and a cigarette. They were having a great time talking when suddenly, it started to pour rain. It was absolutely pissing down, and one of the ladies calmly pulled a condom out of her purse, cut the end off and slipped it on her cigarette, then continued smoking without a care in the world. The other looked at her in surprise with her soggy cigarette and asked .. 'whats that? '
Mary replied, 'its a condom of course'.
Susan exclamined, 'thats ingenious, but where did you get it? '
Mary replied, 'you can get them at any pharmacy these days'
The next day, Susan hobbled into the local pharmacy, parked her walker at the checkout and started looking for the condoms, but couldnt find them. The sales assistant came over and asked her what she was looking for, she said 'l want a packet of condoms please..'
The assistant said 'is there any particular brand youre after mam? '
Susan shrugged and replied, 'doesnt matter what brand. so long as it fits a camel thanks'
*lix*

By leopoldij at 11,Sep,17 18:56 other posts of leopoldij

I missed that. Funny.

By licksipsuckit at 11,Sep,17 20:10 other posts of licksipsuckit

camels are a brand of cigarette *lix*

By leopoldij at 12,Sep,17 00:15 other posts of leopoldij

I know.
When I wrote I missed that I meant that I didn't see it earlier. 😁

By AussieMan187 at 17,Aug,17 08:30 other posts of AussieMan187

Ok...

What does an elderly woman have that the new Fast & The Furious movie doesn't?...

A walker!
--------------------------------------- added after 81 seconds

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken!

Muhahahahahahahahaha!
Terrible...

By leopoldij at 17,Aug,17 09:54 other posts of leopoldij

Why should you never greet my friend Jack at the airport?

By AussieMan187 at 25,Aug,17 04:39 other posts of AussieMan187

"Hijack!"

By leopoldij at 25,Aug,17 17:51 other posts of leopoldij

correct!!

By AussieMan187 at 28,Aug,17 05:31 other posts of AussieMan187

I'll give credit to Lix for that one

By leopoldij at 28,Aug,17 13:51 other posts of leopoldij

Ha ha. She's always witty.

By licksipsuckit at 26,Aug,17 00:24 other posts of licksipsuckit

A bus full of ugly people met after an accident, all of them died.
Before entering heaven, they each got a wish. The first said 'make me beautiful' and it happened. The rest followed with the same wish. When it came to the last person he was laughing. The voice asked him 'why are you laughing? and what is your wish?'
The last person answered, 'make them all ugly again' lol,
once an arsehole, always an arsehole
*lix*

By Icudoiwill2 at 26,Aug,17 22:49 other posts of Icudoiwill2

love it. Aussie humour.

By licksipsuckit at 27,Aug,17 09:18 other posts of licksipsuckit

yeah l loved it, its our warped sense of humour *lix*

By AussieMan187 at 28,Aug,17 05:32 other posts of AussieMan187

HAHA! That's a good one

By licksipsuckit at 23,Aug,17 09:44 other posts of licksipsuckit

only registered users can see external links
*lix*

By leopoldij at 23,Aug,17 18:38 other posts of leopoldij

Cops have no sense of humour

By licksipsuckit at 23,Aug,17 19:16 other posts of licksipsuckit

l wonder if a cop pulled you up naked in your car, would they charge you?? l wonder why you would want to be a cop?? what would possess someone to want to put on a uniform and make yourself a target for being a cunt?? *lix*

By leopoldij at 23,Aug,17 21:39 other posts of leopoldij

You're absolutely right.
Why?

By licksipsuckit at 23,Aug,17 21:48 other posts of licksipsuckit

just Random Bullshitting, adding to the crap that makes the fabric of the SHOWITOFF universe *lix*

By leopoldij at 24,Aug,17 03:22 other posts of leopoldij

You're so wrong. Only intellectual discussion should be allowed here.

By licksipsuckit at 24,Aug,17 03:40 other posts of licksipsuckit

well someone got it all wrong

!!! *lix*

By leopoldij at 24,Aug,17 06:09 other posts of leopoldij

I'm wrong too. I do contribute with lots of bullshit.

By AussieMan187 at 25,Aug,17 04:41 other posts of AussieMan187

I'd like to be a cop. I'd be like a Roger Rogerson type cunt of a cop.

By bella! at 16,Aug,17 20:36 other posts of bella!

Why start a new thread when members have 8 pages and 363 entries on this one?

/forum/thread.php?id=22514#364

By Icudoiwill2 at 16,Aug,17 20:55 other posts of Icudoiwill2

That might be the joke.

By bella! at 16,Aug,17 21:18 other posts of bella!

Jordy's joke on us? Well I'll be!

By Icudoiwill2 at 22,Aug,17 22:55 other posts of Icudoiwill2

why not?(please don,t hurt me)

By bella! at 23,Aug,17 09:31 other posts of bella!

Are you advocate for those who atempt to reinvent the wheel?

By Icudoiwill2 at 23,Aug,17 22:55 other posts of Icudoiwill2

What is this "Wheel" you talk of?

By licksipsuckit at 23,Aug,17 09:24 other posts of licksipsuckit

once l farted in an elevator,
it was wrong on so many levels
*lix*

By licksipsuckit at 23,Aug,17 04:19 other posts of licksipsuckit

l once met a girl with 12 nipples
sounds funny......dozen tit *lix*

By leopoldij at 22,Aug,17 21:57 other posts of leopoldij

Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.

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