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Started by routemaster at 19,Aug,18 23:57  other posts of routemaster
I told my doctor I had a phobia about hurdles. He told me I just needed to get over it.

* * * *

I once had a job digging holes. It was really boring.

* * * *



Similar topics: 1.SEX JOKES.   2.Anyone disabled   3.Dumpster jokes and humour....   4.Joke Central   5.Billy Cosby sentence 3 to 5 years.  

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Comments:
By Whoknows at 10,Nov,18 15:07 other posts of Whoknows 
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe. The guy has a pint and then they go to leave the bar when the giraffe suddenly collapses and drops to the floor. The guy carries on walking to the door and the barman shouts, "Oi! You can't leave that lyin' there!"
The guy replies, "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe."


Two fish in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"


...sorry


By cody8789 at 22,Oct,18 02:14 other posts of cody8789 
One day a man, who has been stranded on a desert island fo over ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship." He thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, or even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous brunette women wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned guy and sais to him, "tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years," replies the stunned man. With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes, he takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and sais, "man oh man! Is that good". "And how long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" She asks him. Trembling the castaway replies, "ten years." She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, and pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask and takes a long drink and says, "wow, that's absolutely fantastic." At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man seductively and asks, " and how long has it been since you've played around?" With tears in his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs, " oh sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too?"
By Scorpio69 at 22,Oct,18 03:54 other posts of Scorpio69 

By Whoknows at 27,Oct,18 18:54 other posts of Whoknows 



By Scorpio69 at 22,Oct,18 04:02 other posts of Scorpio69 
What's the difference between light and hard?

You can s.l.e.e.p with a light on... 😉

REALLY! S.L.E.E.P. is cesored...
By kebmo at 24,Oct,18 00:55 other posts of kebmo 
Asleep is not.
By leopoldij at 27,Oct,18 15:16 other posts of leopoldij 
Sleeping
Asleep
Sleepless
Lesssleep
Sleepy
Sleepful
Sleeplessness
Sleepwalker

Sisterly
Stepsister
Sisterhood
Sistrring




By MrRudog at 24,Oct,18 14:32 other posts of MrRudog 
Q: How do you get a small dog to quit humping your leg??


A: Pick him up and suck his dick.



By Scorpio69 at 23,Oct,18 14:06 other posts of Scorpio69 
In light of the season upon us...

What did the Jewish p.e.d.o.p.h.i.l.e. say to the lil boy?

C'mere lil boy! Gimme some candy...


By cthulu70 at 12,Oct,18 07:07 other posts of cthulu70 
A man was washing his car with his son, when they were done his son says " dad couldn't we have used a sponge? "
By leopoldij at 20,Oct,18 05:08 other posts of leopoldij 
Good one!



By Jumpstart5 at 11,Oct,18 18:25 other posts of Jumpstart5 
What's pink and has 7 little dents in it?


Snow White's cherry!


By leopoldij at 11,Oct,18 17:57 other posts of leopoldij 
Q:How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A:By becoming a ventriloquist!
By Whoknows at 11,Oct,18 18:04 other posts of Whoknows 
By leopoldij at 11,Oct,18 18:10 other posts of leopoldij 




By leopoldij at 11,Oct,18 17:57 other posts of leopoldij 
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.


By leopoldij at 11,Oct,18 17:55 other posts of leopoldij 
Boy:"Want to hear a joke about my penis? Nevermind, it's too long."
Girl:"Wanna hear a joke about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it."


By cthulu70 at 11,Oct,18 17:51 other posts of cthulu70 
I got a dog from a blacksmith, when i got him home he made a bolt for the door


By Jumpstart5 at 11,Oct,18 16:34 other posts of Jumpstart5 
What's pink and has 7 little dents in it?


Snow White's cherry!


By routemaster at 09,Oct,18 01:04 other posts of routemaster 
Did you hear about the clairvoyant that got knocked down by a car? She didn't see it coming.

****


By routemaster at 15,Sep,18 04:56 other posts of routemaster 
I went to the chiropodist the other day and the woman made a joke about one of my little toes. I thought, blimey that's a corny one.

*****


By Whoknows at 14,Sep,18 03:20 other posts of Whoknows 
A guy goes for a pee and is shocked when the pee sprays out in different directions from some holes that have mysteriously developed along his cock during the night. He's too embarrassed to mention it to anyone and suffers with the problem as best as he can over the next few weeks until he finally builds up enough courage to see a doctor about it.

Doctor: Ok, what can I help you with today?
Guy: Well it's a bit embarrassing to be honest, doctor. I seem to have some new holes on my penis and it's causing me so much trouble as you can imagine. I've been worried about it for weeks now and I'm hoping you can help me, please?
Doctor: Hmmm, interesting. It's something I haven't come across before. Ok, let's have a look and see what we can do.

The guy lowers his trousers and the doctor examines his penis for a few moments, then writes a note and hands it to the guy.

Doctor: Give this man a call. I'm sure he'll be able to help you.
Guy: Oh, is he a specialist in problems to do with the penis, doctor?
Doctor: No, he's a clarinet player and could probably show you how to hold it properly.


I'm here all week, folks!


By routemaster at 14,Sep,18 02:46 other posts of routemaster 
I met my wife at an orgy. Funny, as I thought she was at her s i s t e r ' s in Scunthorpe.

* * * *

A l a d y f r i e n d of mine loaned me a waterproof sheet.
I said: "Ta Pauline."

* * * *


By 0-00 at 29,Aug,18 13:40 other posts of 0-00 
How do you circumcise a whale?
Send down four skin divers...


By bigg at 29,Aug,18 12:57 other posts of bigg 
A large hole has appeared in the middle of the Main Street.

Police are looking into it


By kebmo at 28,Aug,18 18:46 other posts of kebmo 
Whos do you call to clean the ocean?

Mermaids


By sickboy2314 at 28,Aug,18 18:21 other posts of sickboy2314 
A nurse pulls a thermometer out of her pocket and say's "some arseholes got my pen"


By bigg at 24,Aug,18 16:11 other posts of bigg 
I wrote to my mother and said Id grown another foot

So she knitted me another sock


By routemaster at 23,Aug,18 03:05 other posts of routemaster 
Did you hear about the chef who got annoyed when nobody liked his latest recipe?

He had a chip on his shoulder.

* * * *


By Arexa at 23,Aug,18 02:35 other posts of Arexa 
Two fish run into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says "Dam."


By kebmo at 22,Aug,18 22:39 other posts of kebmo 
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snowballs


By leopoldij at 21,Aug,18 21:35 other posts of leopoldij 
Question to all:
Why is there a gate around cemeteries?
By Ravioli_Max at 22,Aug,18 02:22 other posts of Ravioli_Max 
Why?
By leopoldij at 22,Aug,18 06:23 other posts of leopoldij 
Because everyone is dying to get in.
By Ravioli_Max at 22,Aug,18 17:38 other posts of Ravioli_Max 





By bigg at 22,Aug,18 17:22 other posts of bigg 
Two cannibals have to share a man, so they agree that one starts at each end.

(After a Minute)

First cannibal: Wow Im having a ball

Second cannibal: Hold on, youre eating too fast


By Cutewilly at 22,Aug,18 17:01 other posts of Cutewilly 
The difference between an Egg and a wank... you can beat an Egg but you can't beat a wank.

I went to my local Pharmacy, they were giving away free condoms but it was on a "first cum, first served" basis.

I used to work in the Viagra factory, they were hard times.


By nanookie2 at 22,Aug,18 02:47 other posts of nanookie2 
Bacon and eggs walked into a bar.

The bartender said, "We don't serve breakfast here."


By bigg at 21,Aug,18 17:24 other posts of bigg 
Two cows meet in a field.

First cow: "Moooooooooo"

Second cow: "I was going to say that too!"


By TWOWARMTTS2 at 21,Aug,18 16:06 other posts of TWOWARMTTS2 
A priest, a rabbi and a buddist monk walk into a bar. The bartender takes one look and says " Is this a joke?"


By routemaster at 21,Aug,18 01:50 other posts of routemaster 
What did Cinderella say when her photos were late arriving back from the chemist?

Some day my prints will come.

* * * *


By 7inchuk at 20,Aug,18 23:51 other posts of 7inchuk 
How do you find will Smith in the snow...?
You look for the fresh prince


By leopoldij at 20,Aug,18 10:32 other posts of leopoldij 
Knock, knock.
Whos there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke through the peep hole and find out.


By leopoldij at 20,Aug,18 10:28 other posts of leopoldij 
I hope you don't want to include jokes about menstruation in this thread because they arent funny. Period.


By leopoldij at 20,Aug,18 10:26 other posts of leopoldij 
You know what the cannibal did after dumping his girlfriend?

He wiped his ass.





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