Went in to my local pharmacy who had condoms on sale, 90% off. I went in to find they'd sold out. They were available on a 'first Cum first served' basis....

Little Johnny and his mother go and visit grandpa in the country for a few days. On the way, Johnny sees two dogs fucking. “Mama, Mama, what are those two dogs doing?”

His mom became flustered. She knew he was not ready for the birds and the bee talk. So, she muttered the first thing that came to her mind, “they are having a fish fry Johnny.”

“Oh, that’s what you call it,” Johnny quietly said.

His mom smiled, she knew she dodged a bullet for a few more years.

They turned off the highway and onto a country road. Within a few miles, “Mommy, look at those two horses. They are having a fish fry.”

His mom smiles, “that’s right Johnny. They are having a fish fry.

They finally reach grandpa’s farm and after dinner on the second night, they sat out in the front porch swing. Two rabbits started going at it and caught Johnny’s eye. “Mommy, Mommy, look at those two rabbits. They are having a fish fry.”

Grandpa started to correct little Johnny, and received a sharp elbow to his rib cage before he got the hint. “Yep, they are having one wing-ding of a fish fry Johnny,” grandpa said with a grin.

Little Johnny and his mom returned home after a few days. His mom made a large dinner for his dad as thanks for allowing her to visit her father. After bath time little Johnny was tucked in for the night.

The mom was horny. She slipped out of her bathrobe, and rode her husband for a while. The headboard was clanking, the moans were even louder, and the spasm of her husband’s cock caused her to climax. Before she could get up to clean herself up she heard the TV in the front room. She became pissed that Johnny snuck back down stairs.

She donned her robe and hurried to the front room. “What are you doing out of bed,” she asked firmly.

“Your fish fry was too loud for me to s-l-e-e-p so I came down to watch TV.”

She became embarrassed, “what on Earth makes you think we were having a fish fry Johnny?”

Little Johnny looks her in the eye, and without missing a beat, “you can’t lie to me mommy. Not while you still have tartar sauce running down your leg.”

Just in time for Christmas:

"Why is Santa so jolly? He know where all the naughty girls live..."

Man approached a couple larger ladies at the bar, said "I caught your accent, you ladies from Scotland?"

They replied, "Wales, you idiot!"

He says, "Sorry, you whales from Scotland?"

And that's how he woke up in hospital...

What's the difference between light and hard?
You can **** with a light on.
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Why is sex like a bridge game?
You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.
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How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught fire.
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Q. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
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Sex is like math. Add a bed, Subtract the clothes, Divide the legs, and pray you don’t Multiply!
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Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common? A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back !!!

Paitant says to DR I allways gag when brushing my teeth and tounge, but never when I give my Boyfreind head whats the problem? DR replies Obviously your toohbrush is larger !