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Joke Central

This is an Adult Discussion Forum of Show It Off Site
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Started by #523455 at 17,Aug,17 00:07
Welcome everyone.... come and share your jokes, let's have a laugh



Similar topics: 1.Mutual Mastubation Groups in Central NJ   2.===== Joke Of The Day =====   3.Any guys, under 27, in central PA?   4.Tell Us A Joke   5.Central PA  

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By routemaster at 30,Sep,22 17:05 other posts of routemaster 
A bloke went into hospital to have his appendix out and on the day of the operation, the qualified surgeon was teaching a student surgeon what to do. As the student began, the scalpel slipped out of her hand and accidentally cut the bloke's balls off.
"Oh dear!" cried the student, mortified, "I'm ever so sorry."
"That's OK," said the qualified surgeon, "but we can't let him walk about without them, poor chap will think he's deformed."
"Well," said the nurse, "there's a jar of pickled onions in the cupboard. If you sew a couple of those on, he won't know the difference."
"I suppose that's all we can do," said the qualified surgeon so the student carried on and after she had extracted the bloke's appendix, the nurse got the two biggest pickled onions she could find out the jar and they were sewn on underneath the guy's dick and he was wheeled back to the ward to recouperate.
Couple of days later, the qualified surgeon was doing his rounds and went up to speak to the bloke. "Hello, Mr. Smith," he said, all bright and cheery, "how are you today?"
"I'm fine, thanks, doctor," said the bloke "but there's one thing that's puzzling me."
"What's that?" asked the surgeon.
"Well," said the bloke, "you know when you get a hard-on every time you see a gorgeous woman in tight sexy clothes?"
"Yes," said the surgeon, nodding understandably.
"Well," went on the bloke, "I get one every time I see a cheese sandwich".

lol
By CAT at 13,Dec,22 23:25 other posts of CAT 
🤣🤣🤣😈
By routemaster at 06,Jan,23 01:27 other posts of routemaster 




By routemaster at 17,Dec,22 23:12 other posts of routemaster 
Did you hear that all the action in the next James Bond film is to take place at an opticians?

Its going to be called "For Four Eyes Only".




By CAT at 13,Dec,22 23:25 other posts of CAT 
Time for a little laughter ... You need to think around "old people". 😅 A tale from the wild, wild West ...
"An old woman walked up and tied her old mule to the hitching post.
As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
He looked at the woman and laughed,
"Hey old woman, have you ever danced?"
The woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No ... I never did dance ... Never really wanted to"
A crowd has gathered as the young gunslinger grinned and said, "Well you old bag, you're gonna dance now!", and started shooting at the old woman's feet.
The old woman prospector - not wanting to have her toes blown off- started hopping around. Many were laughing.
When his last bullet was fired, the gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barrelled shotgun and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air, and the crowd immediately stopped laughing.
The gunslinger heard the sounds too, and turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched tensely as he stared at the woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in her hands as she quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No m'am, but I've always wanted too"
THERE ARE FIVE LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US:
1 - Never be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old people; they didn't get old by being stupid."
🖋️ ~John Mitchell~


By routemaster at 30,Sep,22 05:46 other posts of routemaster 
I still enjoy sex at 96. I live at 94 so its not far to go.
By DJS at 30,Sep,22 11:16 other posts of DJS 
👏
By routemaster at 30,Sep,22 16:57 other posts of routemaster 


By biggg at 30,Sep,22 16:44 other posts of biggg 
By routemaster at 30,Sep,22 16:57 other posts of routemaster 




By DJS at 10,Dec,21 13:26 other posts of DJS 
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said morning
He replied, No, just having a shit..
By biggg at 29,Sep,22 20:34 other posts of biggg 
By DJS at 30,Sep,22 05:40 other posts of DJS 




By DJS at 29,Sep,22 05:43 other posts of DJS 
An Irish man went to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church.
'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession... I had sex with Fanny Green twice last month.'
The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.'
Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. 'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months.'
This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Fanny Green?'
'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied.
'Very well,' sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.;
At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, Voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.
The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear.
The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Fanny Green?'
The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, 'No Father,
I think it's just a reflection from her shoes father😆


By tb1 at 07,Mar,22 12:19 other posts of tb1 
A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a “handy-woman”. She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,” he said, “How much will you charge me?”

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, “How about $50?”

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man’s wife, overhearing the conversation, said to her husband, “Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?”

He responded, “That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?”

The wife replied, “You’re right. I guess I’m starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we’ve been getting by email lately.”

Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.

“You’re finished already?” the startled husband asked.

“Yes”, she replied, “and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.

“And, by the way," the teenager added, “it’s not a Porch, it’s a Lexus.”


By tb1 at 04,Mar,22 12:15 other posts of tb1 
Two guys are getting ready to go golfing together. “I’m going to buy a dozen balls before we hit the links; would you like me to pick up any for you?”

“Naah, I’m good,” his buddy says. “I’ve got a ball.”

“You’ve got A ball? Just one??”

“It’s a lucky ball; it’s all I need,” he responds.

“But what if you lose it?”

“I can’t.”

“Oh, that’s crazy!” his friend exclaims. What about the pond?”

“It floats.”

“What if you hit it into the woods?”

“It beeps.”

“What about the dark woods?”

“It glows in the dark.”

The friend just shakes his head in amazement. “That’s incredible! Where did you get a ball like that?”

“I found it.”


By tb1 at 03,Mar,22 12:23 other posts of tb1 
Moishe the Pious is a God-fearing man, but he is old. One night, after turning in for the evening, Moishe finds Nature calling him, so he gets up, puts on his yarmulke (did I mention Moishe is pious?) and goes to the bathroom. However, Moishe forgets to put the toilet seat back down (did I mention that Moishe is old, and sometimes forgetful?) and he comes back to bed, removing his kippa as he did so.

A little later on that night, Sarah, Moishe’s wife, feels the same need. She goes to the bathroom and sits down without bothering to turn on the light. However, as Moishe has left the seat up, her “landing” is rather abrupt. Worse, she finds herself stuck in that ungainly position, legs splayed in the air.

“Moishe! Come help me!” she cries. So Moishe gets up, puts on his yarmulke, and goes into the bathroom. But try as he might (did I mention that Moishe is an old man, and not a fount of strength?) he could not extricate Sarah from her predicament. So Moishe is forced to call 911.

As the paramedic comes in, Moishe remembers that, though he is pious, his wife Sarah is also quite modest, so, taking a deep breath, he removes his yarmulke and places it over Sarah’s most private area.

When the paramedic gets to the bathroom (did I mention the paramedic is not a Member Of the Tribe?) he looks over the situation: Sarah, legs splayed on the commode, and Moishe kneeling beside her, his hand holding his yarmulke over her private area. He turns to Moishe and says, “Well, the good news is, I can save your wife…but I’m afraid the rabbi is a goner.”


By tb1 at 02,Mar,22 12:21 other posts of tb1 
A Frenchman, a Greek, and a Jew are out driving, when they’re in a horrific accident and they all die. They’re met at The Pearly Gates by St. Peter, who tells them, “I’m sorry, gentlemen, but Heaven is temporarily full, so you have a choice. You can either go to Purgatory, which is just like Hell, until we have an opening. OR you can go back to Earth and wait. However, that choice has some stipulations: Frenchman, if you even think about gourmet food, you’re gone. Greek, one thought about sex, and YOU’RE gone. And Jew, well, you can probably guess – one thought about money and you’re outta there.”

Well, the men agree to the requirements, and soon find themselves back on Earth, walking along a road. Before long they come to a bakery. The Frenchman looks inside and sees a fresh-baked baguette. He inhales deeply, drinking in the aroma…and then, POOF! The Frenchman is gone.

“Boy, Pete wasn’t kidding,” the two remaining men say to each other. “We’d better watch out!”

A little further down the road, though, the Jew spies a quarter on the ground. He tries to look away, but he just can’t help himself, so he bends over to pick up the coin…and then POOF! The Greek is gone.


By 7uncut at 14,Dec,21 15:21 other posts of 7uncut 
Why was Rudolph's wife mad?

Cause he blew 100 bucks at the strip club.
By DJS at 23,Feb,22 13:50 other posts of DJS 
You do know it's called the joke thread



By DJS at 22,Feb,22 11:27 other posts of DJS 
Elton John bought his pet rabbit a treadmill for Christmas as it was a bit overweight.

After 2 months of exercise it's now a little fit bunny😂


Sister Bridgette, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a pub in Tralee. The place was quite lively with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, May I please use the restroom
The bartender replied, “Of course Sister, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.
Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,said the good Sister.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the pub. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?
Well, now they know you're one of us,said the bartender, “Would you like a drink,No thank you, but, I still don't understand,said the puzzled nun.
You see, laughed the bartender,every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?
By phart at 22,Feb,22 18:56 other posts of phart 
By DJS at 23,Feb,22 13:48 other posts of DJS 




By tb1 at 20,Feb,22 12:18 other posts of tb1 
One Friday, two women were sitting and talking in an outdoor restaurant. One woman looked up and saw her husband coming down the street with a bunch of flowers in his hand.

She rolled her eyes and said, “Here comes the a**hole with flowers in his hand. Now he’ll expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air.”

Her friend promptly replied, “Don’t you have a vase?”
By leopoldij at 20,Feb,22 12:36 other posts of leopoldij 
Awesome!

By DJS at 22,Feb,22 11:15 other posts of DJS 
👏👏



By routemaster at 21,Feb,22 03:01 other posts of routemaster 
The British Conservative Party
By leopoldij at 21,Feb,22 23:16 other posts of leopoldij 
That's too subtle for Americans.



By #660539 at 21,Feb,22 18:51
Joe Biden!!!


By tb1 at 27,Dec,21 11:57 other posts of tb1 
A man lays sprawled across three entire seats at a posh theatre. Before the show has even started, an usher walks by and notices the man.

“Sir, you’re only allowed one seat, can you please sit up?"

The man groans, but stays where he is. The usher, becoming impatient with the man, says “Sir, if you don’t get up, I will need to get my manager involved”.

Again the man just groans, which infuriates the usher as he marches off to get the manager. In a few moments he returns with the manager and they both repeatedly attempt to move him, but with no success. It was at this point that the manager calls the police.

Moments later, a police officer arrives and approaches the man, “alright buddy, what’s your name?”

“Sam” the man moans.

“And where ya from Sam?”

With pain in his voice Sam replied “the balcony”.



By tb1 at 26,Dec,21 13:23 other posts of tb1 
Three guys were lost in the desert. They were desperate for any sign of life and they came across, of all things, a huge tent with many many women in it.
The women were clearly beckoning the guys to enter. The guys were ecstatic. Saved and maybe lucky even! They went into the tent and start having fun with the women.
Suddenly they were seized by guards and a fierce-looking “Sheik Yerboudi” type guy burst in and he was beyond furious. “How dare you touch my women without my permission?” he screamed in their faces. “You must pay dearly!”
He asked one man what he did for a living. “I’m a cop.”, the man said. The sheik said, “Good! We will shoot your manhood off!”
He asked the next guy the same thing and the guy replied, “I’m a fireman.” “Good!” said the sheik. “We will burn your manhood off!”
He asked the last guy the same question and the guy replied with a huge, leering grin, “I’m a lollipop salesman!!!”


By DJS at 13,Dec,21 19:40 other posts of DJS 
Why does Donald Trump get an erection when looks at himself in the mirror
Because even his penis thinks he is a c**t

Man just phoned his missus and said he was just leaving work, did she want him to pick up fish and chips on his way home He was met with a stony silence. He thinks that she still regrets letting him name the twins.


By routemaster at 07,Dec,21 07:56 other posts of routemaster 
Here is the latest news:-

Boris Johnson has gone into the pop market and has released two records, hoping one of them will be the Christmas no. 1.

They're called "It's My Party and I'll Lie If I Want To" and "Let's Test Again, Like We Did Last Summer."

By tb1 at 07,Dec,21 12:09 other posts of tb1 
good stuff m8
By routemaster at 07,Dec,21 17:01 other posts of routemaster 


By leopoldij at 10,Dec,21 12:37 other posts of leopoldij 
Boris Johnson never lies. He's a man with integrity.
--------------------------------------- added after 23 seconds

In fact, he says so himself.

By DJS at 10,Dec,21 15:51 other posts of DJS 
Excellent
By routemaster at 13,Dec,21 08:08 other posts of routemaster 
Breaking news:-

Boris has just released another single:

The Party's Over, It's Time to Call it a Day.





By dgraff at 10,Dec,21 15:32 other posts of dgraff 
A woman goes to a country western festival to line dance the man with the microphone yelled let’s have a hoe down so she dropped to the floor
--------------------------------------- added after 48 seconds

Get it hoe down


By tb1 at 08,Dec,21 12:21 other posts of tb1 
A young girl asks her Mom if she can take the family dog for a walk around the block.
The Mom replies, “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Dear. Fifi is in heat.” “What does that mean?”, asks the little girl.
The mother didn’t want to have that talk yet so she said, “Why don’t you ask your father what that is? He’s in the garage.” The girl went to the garage and asked her father, “Daddy, may I take Fifi for a walk around the block? Mommy said Fifi is In heat so I should ask you.”
Well, Dad didn’t want to have that talk either so he asked the girl to bring Fifi to him. He then took a rag, poured some gas on it and gently rubbed it on Fifi’s butt. “There.”, he said. “Now you can take her around the block, but only once.”
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no Fifi.
“Where’s Fifi?” the father asked.
“She should be here in a minute.” said the girl. She ran out of gas half way down the block and another dog is pushing her home."


By tb1 at 07,Dec,21 12:32 other posts of tb1 
The chief of an American Indian tribe had died suddenly, leaving his son as the new chief. All was going well for the new chief until one of the tribe members asked him if the coming winter was going to be cold. Should they collect enough wood for the cold nights? This troubled the new chief because his father had never taught him about the old ways. But to be safe, he said “Yes, collect plenty of wood.” A week later, he was asked if they should collect even more wood. Is it going to be a very cold winter? This time, he said that he would get back to them. He stealthily called the weather service and asked them if it was going to be a very cold winter. The meteorologist said “Yes, it’s going to be very cold”. A few weeks later, they asked him again, “Should we collect even more wood? Is it going to be an extremely cold winter?”. Once again, he said that he would get back to them and called the weather service when nobody was watching. “Is it going to be an extremely cold winter?”. The meteorologist said “Yes, the signs indicate that it’s going to be extremely cold”. Wanting to know more, the chief asked “How do you know?”.

The meteorologist replied “Because the Indians are collecting wood like crazy.”


By tb1 at 25,Nov,21 12:25 other posts of tb1 
An old fashioned young man who asked a farmer if he could have the farmer’s daughter’s hand in marriage. The farmer appreciated this but said he needed to be sure if the lad was worthy. He told the young man, “If you really love my daughter you’ll do anything for her, right?” “Absolutely!” said the young man. “Anything!” The farmer said, “Good! See that pinto pony over there? Go on, right now, and shtup her!” The lad really loved the farmer’s daughter so he gritted his teeth and did it. “Now can I marry your daughter?” he asked. “Not so fast!” said the farmer. “See that goat? Same deal! And do it like you mean it!” Not to be dissuaded, the lad shtupped the goat. “Now?” wailed the boy? “Not quite!” said the farmer. “See that sheep? Go on over and shtup her, too! Go ahead, Son!” The lad did as he was told only to have the farmer say, “See that pig over there? Have at her, Boy! Then you can marry my daughter!” The boy went over and gave it his very best. When he was good and done the farmer exclaimed, “You done good, Lad! Now you can marry my daughter!” The young man yelled, “The Hell with your daughter!” “Sell me that pig!”
By leopoldij at 25,Nov,21 20:07 other posts of leopoldij 
And? Did he sell him the pig?

By Dreamchaser at 26,Nov,21 23:16 other posts of Dreamchaser 
Points!!!



By tb1 at 22,Nov,21 11:55 other posts of tb1 
A blonde is pulled over for speeding. The officer comes to her window and says, “Ma’am” (all cops say “Ma’am”) “you were driving 20 miles per hour over the speed limit. May I see your driver’s license and registration, please?”

“I don’t have a driver’s license, officer,” says the blonde. “And as for the registration, well, I don’t know where it might be. You see, I stole this car.”

The officer is deeply suspicious by this point. “Please open your trunk, Ma’am,” he says.

“Oh, I can’t do that, officer,” she responds. “There’s a dead body in there.”

Fully alarmed now, the officer tells her to keep her hands where he can see them, and he calls for backup. Within minutes, four squad cars screech to a stop, with the precinct captain in the lead. He approaches the blonde and demands to see her driver’s license.

“Here it is, Captain,” she says. “And here’s my automobile registration, too.”

“Well…please open your trunk, Ma’am.” She does so, revealing nothing more ominous than a spare tire. “Well, what the – my officer said you had no license, no registration, you’re driving a stolen car, and that you have a dead body in your trunk!”

“He did, did he? Huh – I bet he told you I was speeding, too.”

By dgraff at 22,Nov,21 12:06 other posts of dgraff 

By leopoldij at 25,Nov,21 20:12 other posts of leopoldij 
She wasn't that much of a blonde then, was she?
By DJS at 26,Nov,21 15:57 other posts of DJS 
Probably peroxide
By leopoldij at 26,Nov,21 19:36 other posts of leopoldij 
Yeah



By bella! at 26,Nov,21 16:16 other posts of bella! 
That's a good one, indeed!



By CAT at 22,May,21 11:50 other posts of CAT 
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used that repairman since...
By tb1 at 25,Nov,21 10:36 other posts of tb1 
What a stupid guy, I doubt his business will “live long and prosper”

By leopoldij at 25,Nov,21 20:09 other posts of leopoldij 
Was his name Donald Trump, by the way? Or, maybe, George Bush?



By DJS at 23,Nov,21 07:29 other posts of DJS 
A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
Are you the manager?”, she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.Actually, no” the man replies Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him, she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
I’m afraid I can’t, breathes the bartender. “Is there anything I can do?”
Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message, she continues, slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
Ah..what should I tell him?” the bartender manages to squeak.
Tell him, she whispers there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room.
By tb1 at 25,Nov,21 10:33 other posts of tb1 
Good karma 👍👍
By DJS at 25,Nov,21 11:35 other posts of DJS 
👏




By Gntlmn at 23,Nov,21 02:57 other posts of Gntlmn 
What do you call a Mexican chic with really short legs?
(Consuelo)
By dgraff at 25,Nov,21 10:40 other posts of dgraff 
Ahhhahaha I just heard that one in a biker bar last week
Cunts way low



By DJS at 24,Nov,21 17:28 other posts of DJS 
When the missus said she was leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkees,I thought she was joking.

And then I saw her face..

Two old woman meet for a coffee, one lady says to the other,did you come on the bus the other replies yes, but i made it look like an asthma attack..

A irish man and his son went to the ****, a sign says feed the elephant a bun to get your age The little boy gives the elephant a bun and it stamps it's foot 6 times.wow" says the boy that's right i am 6, you have a go dad, The irish dad gives the elephant a bun, A moment later the elephant farts and stamps twice,be jesus that's right" said the father.i am farty two..


By DJS at 24,Nov,21 16:56 other posts of DJS 
KARMA" Sutra position no. 54.The Pirate.

When giving it doggy style,spit on her back,so she (or he for some of you) thinks you've cum,
When she turns around blast her in the face.
Known as The Pirate because she'll put 1 hand over her eye,
and shout AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH.


By tb1 at 23,Nov,21 12:24 other posts of tb1 
A man from Texas, a man from California, and a man from Oregon are all sitting around a campfire. The Texan takes a flask from his pocket, uncorks it, takes one swig, and then hurls the flask high into the air. He takes his six-shooter out, aims, and BLAM! glass shards and whiskey are coming down.

“Why’d you do that?” the other men want to know.

“We have a LOT of whiskey in Texas,” he explains.

Not to be outdone, the Californian removes a wine bottle from his pocket, uncorks it, takes a sip, and then hurls the rest of the bottle into the air. He takes his six-shooter out, and BLAM! glass shards and wine are coming down.

“We have a LOT of wine in California,” he says.

Without saying a word, the Oregonian takes out his gun and shoots the Californian.


By tb1 at 29,Sep,21 12:14 other posts of tb1 
One day I was jogging through a park when this really old guy came whizzing past me. I was impressed so I caught up to him and said, “Hey there. You’re running along pretty good there, Sir! Mind if I ask how old you are?”
The old guy said proudly as we ran along, “80! I’m 80 years old and here’s nothing I can’t do now that I couldn’t do when I was your age! Nothing at all! How ’bout that?”
I told him how amazing that was and how much I admired him but, being me, I asked him if I might ask him a personal question. Eye personal.
He said he was OK with that so I asked him if he still had an active sex life.
He told me, “Yup! I have sex almost every day! Almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday…
By dgraff at 22,Nov,21 12:14 other posts of dgraff 
Good joke but here’s a true story
I ask my 93 year old father one time how old you are when your junk quits working at first he said junk then he paused and said oh my junk I don’t know you will have to ask someone a lot older than me



By tb1 at 28,Sep,21 12:04 other posts of tb1 
A fourth grade teacher thought she’d generate more interest and curiosity from her students by trying a new thing. She announced that she was going to ask them a difficult question each Thursday and if anyone got it right they’d get Friday off from school! Now she knew she couldn’t just excuse a kid from a school day so she had to be sure the kids wouldn’t be able to answer the question. The following Thursday she said, “OK, Children. Can anyone tell me what my husband does for a living?” Of course no one knew that. The following Thursday she asked the class, “Can anyone tell me what my maiden name was?” Of course no one knew that either. One especially clever kid, Danny, saw what she was doing and got an idea. He asked his mother if she’d pick up a can of racquet balls for their dog to play with. He then took two of them, spray painted them black, and snuck them into class the next Thursday. Just when it looked like the teacher was ready to ask that week’s question, Danny rolled the balls down the floor right up to her. “OK!” she said crossly. “Who’s the comic with the black balls?!?” “Eddie Murphy, Teach! See ya Monday!”


By whatsupcocks at 23,Jun,21 07:08 other posts of whatsupcocks 
People who rite on shit-house walls , roll there shit into little balls. People who read these lines of wit , eat these little balls of shit. From Yellow Stone National Park bathroom wall year 1976.


By tb1 at 22,Jun,21 18:23 other posts of tb1 
When I returned from a business trip, I discovered that my wife of 35 years had gone into our safe. For years I’d insisted that she never open the safe. But she did it anyway.
She said, “There was 3 eggs in it and $40,000. Where did they come from?”
I told her, “For 35 years, whenever I found a woman who was worth fucking, I’d put an egg in the safe.”
She says, “That’s not so bad, 3 women in 35 years. I can live with that!”
I told her, “Whenever I got a dozen eggs, I’d sell them and put the money in the safe. That’s where the $40,000 came from!”


By DJS at 15,May,21 08:33 other posts of DJS 
My missus has been having a go at me lately, saying I’ve become obsessed with becoming a detective and not spending time with her.

This morning she said “I think we should split up”

I said “good idea we’ll cover more ground that way
By tb1 at 15,May,21 18:07 other posts of tb1 
😄😄😄 good luck if you doodatt 😁😁
By DJS at 16,May,21 08:13 other posts of DJS 
It's no good if I doodatt,it will have to be both to doodatt
By tb1 at 16,May,21 11:45 other posts of tb1 
By DJS at 16,May,21 14:33 other posts of DJS 
By tb1 at 19,May,21 08:13 other posts of tb1 
By DJS at 19,May,21 20:00 other posts of DJS 
By tb1 at 19,May,21 22:58 other posts of tb1 









By tb1 at 15,May,21 07:28 other posts of tb1 
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island.
But, it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 🤪🤪🤪


By tb1 at 14,May,21 20:55 other posts of tb1 
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then, it hit me 🤬🤬🤬


By Louis at 12,May,21 20:46 other posts of Louis 
So it seems two guys were in a bar. One guy says to the other "I've got something to show you". He heads out to his car and comes back in carrying a box. He opens the box and takes out a tiny piano and bench. All of a sudden a little foot tall guy jumps out and starts playing the piano. The other guy says "What in the world! How did you get that"? He said " Well, I was rumaging through a pile of junk and found an old oil lamp. I started rubbing it to see if it would clean up and poof, there was a genie standing there! He offered me one wish for freeing him." The other guy said "Well that's great, but why did you wish for that? His friend said "See that's the trouble, I didn't. The genie misunderstood me and thought I'd wished for a twelve inch pianist"! 😉


By #623135 at 12,May,21 12:59
Here's a good one


[deleted image]
--------------------------------------- added after 3 minutes

@Degraff@


By #639638 at 12,May,21 11:52
If a couple from Kentucky, got married in Kentucky and moved to Ohio, would they still be brother and sister!
By tb1 at 12,May,21 12:01 other posts of tb1 



By Louis at 12,May,21 11:20 other posts of Louis 
I was reading a book about helium. I couldn't put it down.
By tb1 at 12,May,21 11:44 other posts of tb1 



By tb1 at 12,May,21 06:38 other posts of tb1 
Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a tie
By dgraff at 12,May,21 10:46 other posts of dgraff 



By tb1 at 10,May,21 15:47 other posts of tb1 
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana


By routemaster at 10,Apr,21 08:24 other posts of routemaster 
A Frank Sinatra impersonator has had to cancel all his engagements for the foreseeable future. He's just been diagnosed with croonervirus.


By whatsupcocks at 08,Apr,21 06:36 other posts of whatsupcocks 
What do frogs have for lunch? An order of Flies and a Diet Crook.


By tb1 at 07,Apr,21 09:18 other posts of tb1 

--------------------------------------- added after 34 seconds

Thanks to Jseagull0403


By Mrfrisky at 25,Feb,21 03:19 other posts of Mrfrisky 
These are not original:

Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a flasher jumped out at them. Two of the ladies had a stroke, the third couldn't reach.

I got my sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what they are laced with, but I've been tripping all day...
By whatsupcocks at 07,Apr,21 08:22 other posts of whatsupcocks 
wow I fucked up. I for got the punch line , I must of fell asleep . A crack hoer can wash her crack and RE-SELL IT.!. Thais better . go ones i have never heard them before . I going to copy and paste then for the next party .



By tb1 at 06,Apr,21 08:44 other posts of tb1 
I may have to move. Every morning my 90 year old neighbour knocks on my door and asks, “Have you seen my wife?”
It’s kind of annoying, sometimes I’m still in bed when he knocks.
However, the smile on his face is so gratifying when I tell him, “Your wife passed away 20 years ago!”
By dgraff at 07,Apr,21 07:20 other posts of dgraff 



By whatsupcocks at 25,Feb,21 14:24 other posts of whatsupcocks 
What kind of band does not play music ? A band of Criminal's.
By leopoldij at 07,Apr,21 05:15 other posts of leopoldij 
A rubber band.



By whatsupcocks at 26,Feb,21 12:37 other posts of whatsupcocks 
Whats the difference between a crack dealer and a crack hoer. the crack hoer can wash her crack


By whatsupcocks at 23,Feb,21 05:41 other posts of whatsupcocks 
From my shits and giggles blog,//// THE CANDY BAR JOKE 😄😄😄 One day MR.Goodbar wanted a Bit-of-Honey so he took MS.Hershey behind the Power House on 5th Avenue were he began to fill her Mounds which were Almond Joy.She let out a Snicker as his Big Hunk slid up here Milky Way.The results were a Baby Ruth.
By tb1 at 24,Feb,21 04:58 other posts of tb1 






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