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It just a joke

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Started by #688177 at 11,Mar,23 08:26
Lets hear your jokes then;



Similar topics: 1.===== Joke Of The Day =====   2.Anybody got a good joke!   3.Tell Us A Joke   4.small hands   5.Joke Central  

New Comment

Comments:
By #719542 at 07,Aug,24 21:17
Hi everyone 🙋‍♂️,
Me Mongo & I have a joke 🤭

One day I was doing a Uber Eats pick up at Arbys & I seen the Saggy Granny #610414 chowing down on a "Double Beef 'n Cheddar Meal", so I approached her.

I asked:
"did you give yourself a coat hanger abortion 18 years ago"

She replied:
"Yes"

I asked:
"Did you put it in the trash can ?"

She replied:
"Well yes 🤷‍♂️"

I asked:
"Did you put the lid on & do it up real tight ?"


She replied:
"yes"

Then I asked the Saggy:
"You didn't think I was going to escape did you ?"

Fuck You Saggy


By routemaster at 07,Aug,24 08:17 other posts of routemaster 
During her heyday in the 1930s, Greta Garbo was relaxing in her dressing room inbetween takes and planted some grass seeds in her hair. When asked by the Director why she had done this, Great replied: "I want to be a lawn".



By #719542 at 04,Aug,24 04:18
Saggy Granny #610414 she is the biggest joke on the fucking site


By routemaster at 03,Aug,24 21:48 other posts of routemaster 
My wife has just paid a fortune to have the world's deepest ever swimming pool installed in our back garden. I've never been able to fathom her out.



By routemaster at 26,Jul,24 21:04 other posts of routemaster 
I was going to watch the start of the Olympics on the river Seine in Paris tonight but decided I couldn't be bothered. When you've seine one river, you've seine the lot.




By Gaydave at 26,Jul,24 12:38 other posts of Gaydave 
What do you call a woman with a drink on the beach ? A bloody sex on the beach ( boody mary, sex on the beach )


By whatsupcocks at 23,Jul,24 10:53 other posts of whatsupcocks 
THE CANDY BAR JOKE 😄😄😄 One day MR.Good-bar wanted a Bit-of-Honey so he took MS.Hershey behind the Power House on 5th Avenue were he began to fill her Mounds which were Almond Joy.She let out a Snicker as his Big Hunk slid up here Milky Way.The results were a Baby Ruth.


By routemaster at 22,Jul,24 03:41 other posts of routemaster 
I went to a nudist beach a couple of months ago.

After sitting on all those pebbles for two hours, my bum's not been the same since.



By routemaster at 22,Jul,24 03:39 other posts of routemaster 
My doctor advised me to stop eating rice.

He said I'm basmatic.



By routemaster at 22,Jul,24 03:34 other posts of routemaster 
What did the buffalo say to his offspring when they went their separate ways?

"'bye, son."



By routemaster at 08,Jul,24 07:35 other posts of routemaster 
Did you hear about the sex mad guy with also a keen interest in birds?

He's a Hornithologist.

By CAT52! at 08,Jul,24 16:17 other posts of CAT52! 
By routemaster at 09,Jul,24 01:39 other posts of routemaster 




By Sir-Skittles at 23,Jun,24 15:47 other posts of Sir-Skittles 
What’s the difference between Paul Walker and Betty White?

Paul Walker hit 100 before he died.


Did you hear about Paul Walker's dandruff problem?

They found his head and shoulders in the glovebox




By routemaster at 22,Jun,24 23:05 other posts of routemaster 
A man went into a video library and said: "can I borrow Batman Forever?"
"Sorry," replied the girl behind the counter, "you need to bring it back by the end of next week."



By Sir-Skittles at 16,Jun,24 21:41 other posts of Sir-Skittles 
Went to the quadriplegic strip club this weekend..

Place was crawling with pussy..
By dgraff at 18,Jun,24 11:49 other posts of dgraff 
was one of them named
Cunts way low
By Sir-Skittles at 18,Jun,24 16:47 other posts of Sir-Skittles 




By #688177 at 18,Jun,24 07:58
Mate, ‘I have just seen 2 big black birds stuck together!’
Me, ‘I recon they must be VelCrows!’


By #688177 at 17,Jun,24 06:21
Me, ‘I got dressed up as a suitcase & went to the airport yesterday!’
Mate, ‘you are a little mad sometimes’
Me, ‘Yes, I can go a bit too far, I just got carried away,’


By White_Mamba at 15,Jun,24 03:21 other posts of White_Mamba 
Why do the french prefer snails?

---- They dislike fast food.


By tb1 at 14,Jun,24 08:20 other posts of tb1 


By routemaster at 11,Jun,24 03:31 other posts of routemaster 
I once had a pet mouse named Elvis but he sadly got killed. He was caught in a trap.

By tecsan at 11,Jun,24 08:16 other posts of tecsan 
I get it, but how many others do?

By biggg at 11,Jun,24 21:45 other posts of biggg 



By #688177 at 11,Jun,24 07:39
Me, “Did you know I have a chicken that can count her eggs?”
Mate, “Chickens cannot count”
Me, “This one can she’s a mathemachicken!”


By #688177 at 10,Jun,24 06:29
Me, “I always wanted to be a Blacksmith”
Mate, “Would you be good at shoeing horse?”
Me, “Well I did tell a donkey to get lost once!”


By #688177 at 27,May,24 07:52
Me, ‘I got in trouble with the council about a filling in a pot hole’
Mate, ‘I know they are bad, but you are not meant to do them yourself’
Me, ‘I did get in a lot of trouble, but it’s my own asphalt’


By #688177 at 27,May,24 07:51
Me, ‘I was having a laugh pretending to be a flamingo, and the wife told me to stop!’
Mate, ‘we all need to laugh’
Me, ‘yes but I put my foot down!’


By #688177 at 12,May,24 08:43
Me, ‘Wife and I went to a restaurant called Karma yesterday’
Mate, ‘Oh hat type of food do they serve?’
Me, ‘They don’t do starter’s or mains, Just desserts!’


By routemaster at 08,May,24 23:25 other posts of routemaster 
King Charles III and Queen Camilla came down to breakfast and, as usual, the butler had laid out Charles's post next to his plate.
"Darling," said Charles, "where's the letter opener?"
"He's got the day off," Camilla replied.



By #688177 at 06,May,24 07:59
Me, ‘You ok mate, you look cream crackerd?’
Mate, ‘Just finished at the Gym, been doing lunges for the first time’
Me, ‘Well at least it’s a step forward!’


By routemaster at 04,May,24 14:02 other posts of routemaster 
I'm not a fan of Gladys Knight. She gives me the pip.



By #688177 at 12,Apr,24 07:00
Me, ‘As a kid I loved playing with granddad & making sandcastles in the garden, until I was told to stop’
Wife, ‘that sounds nice dear, but why did you have to stop’
Me, ‘I was told to put grandad back in his urn & return him to the mantelpiece’
By kupreanoff at 20,Apr,24 17:28 other posts of kupreanoff 
now that's funny
By routemaster at 04,May,24 07:07 other posts of routemaster 




By tb1 at 04,May,24 03:40 other posts of tb1 
Football Head Coach to Assistant Defensive Coordinator: “Say Bill, if we went camping this weekend and you woke up in the morning with a cum filled condom sticking out of your ass, would you tell anybody?”
Bill replies, “Hell no!”
HC, “Whatcha doing this weekend?”
--------------------------------------- added after 5 hours

Video Coach to Head Coach after leaving the washroom, “Coach, we gotta fire the new receiver. He was masturbating in the washroom.”
HC, “Bob he’s a young guy away from home, we have to cut him some slack!”
VC, “I get that, but be was using my cock!”


By #688177 at 23,Apr,24 13:34
G-son, ‘Granddad, whats you secret to a happy marriage?’
Me, ‘Well we still make a point of going out twice a week’
G-son, ‘Where do you go?’
Me, ‘It’s not where It’s when, Grandma goes out Thursday & Friday, I go out Monday & Tuesday!’
By #610414 at 03,May,24 13:30



By routemaster at 03,May,24 08:04 other posts of routemaster 
I'm a great classical music lover except I don't understand Norwegian music.
Its all Grieg to me.



By routemaster at 03,May,24 08:03 other posts of routemaster 
Why do battery hens sleep well at night?
They go out like a light.



By #688177 at 21,Apr,24 05:58
Me, ‘Did you know, I can 100% tell if someone is lying just by looking at them’
Mate, ‘That’s interesting’
Me, ‘I can also tell if they are standing or sitting!’


By #688177 at 20,Apr,24 07:14
Mate, “Did I ever mention I worked for the Royal mint making coins for a while?”
Me, “No, how long were you there?”
Mate, “Oh not long, I quit”
Me, “Did you have trouble making heads or tails of it!”


By whatsupcocks at 18,Apr,24 16:02 other posts of whatsupcocks 
THE CANDY BAR JOKE 😄😄😄 One day MR.Goodbar wanted a Bit-of-Honey so he took MS.Hershey behind the Power House on 5th Avenue were he began to fill her Mounds which were Almond Joy.She let out a Snicker as his Big Hunk slid up here Milky Way.The results were a Baby Ruth.


By #688177 at 18,Apr,24 06:52
Me, ‘I once went to dinner with a girl whose family turned out to be cannibals’
Mate, ‘wow that’s freaky, how was the date?’
Me, I turned up late and she gave me the cold shoulder!’


By routemaster at 16,Apr,24 23:50 other posts of routemaster 
I had a meeting the other day with my bank manager. I asked him to check my balance. So he pushed me over.

By #688177 at 17,Apr,24 14:52
By routemaster at 17,Apr,24 18:03 other posts of routemaster 




By routemaster at 16,Apr,24 23:52 other posts of routemaster 
Have you seen that new hetero porn film where all the sex takes place in a flying car?
Its called Titty Titty Gang Bang.



By routemaster at 16,Apr,24 23:51 other posts of routemaster 
"Son, you're old enough now for me to talk to you about the facts of life."
"OK, dad, what d'you wanna know?"



By #688177 at 16,Apr,24 07:04
Me, ‘I have been making a model of Mount Everest’
Mate, ‘Is it to scale?’
Me, ‘No, only to look at!’


By #688177 at 15,Apr,24 06:55
Boy, ‘Dad can you tell me what an eclipse is?’
Me, ‘No Son!’


By #688177 at 14,Apr,24 06:09
Me, ‘Have you heard about that new film “constipation”?’
Mate, ‘I have not seen it in the cinema’
Me, ‘well that because it’s not out yet!’


By biggg at 04,Apr,24 20:53 other posts of biggg 
A hippie and a nun are on a bus.
The hippie says to the nun: like wow, iґve always wanted to fuck a nun.
But the nun says: i`m already married to jesus so I cannot.
As the hippie is getting off the bus, the bus driver nods and winks and says: the nun is always in the graveyard at 8 o clock and waiting for the holy spirit. So you might be in luck!
The hippie puts a white sheet over his head and goes to the graveyard, and approaches the nun from behind. “Woo hoo, I am the holy spirit and I want to fuck you”
The nun says: well, yes since you are the holy spirit but itґs that time of the month so you have to do me in the ass from behind.
OK says the hippie, pulls out his dick and bangs her up the ass
When heґs finished, he pulls off the white sheet and laughs: haha, iґm not the holy spirit, iґm the hippie
But the nun turns around and pulls off her head cover and laughs back: haha, iґm not the nun, iґm the bus driver
By #700043 at 10,Apr,24 21:46
Haha



By #688177 at 08,Apr,24 06:42
Me, ‘What do you think of my singing?’
Wife, ‘I think you should sing tenor . .’
Me, ‘. . .wow really!’
Wife, ‘If you let me finish, tenor eleven miles away for me!!!’
By biggg at 10,Apr,24 20:44 other posts of biggg 
hahaha



By #688177 at 07,Apr,24 06:18
Mate, ‘My favourite composer died recently’
Me, ‘So technically de-composing now!’


By #688177 at 05,Apr,24 08:18
Mate, "I have had trouble sleeping"
Me, "I can't see why people have such a problem sleeping"
Mate, "what do you mean you can't see why?"
Me, "well I can do it with my eyes closed!".


By #688177 at 04,Apr,24 09:13
If you are not a British or moreover a Londoner, you might not get this one.

Mate, ‘Do you know what a propaganda is?’
Me, ‘Well when you say it like that, it’s when a Brit looks at something rally closely!’


By biggg at 03,Apr,24 15:29 other posts of biggg 
The worldґs strongest glue has been invented. But they canґt get the lid off
By tb1 at 03,Apr,24 15:32 other posts of tb1 



By routemaster at 22,Mar,24 09:37 other posts of routemaster 
A vicar was on his way home when he inadvertently strayed into the town's red light district. He walked on a few yards past an alleyway from where he heard a bloke ask: "how much for a blow job?" and a woman replied: "a hundred quid."

The vicar carried on walking and went past another alleyway where he heard another bloke ask: "how much for a blow job?" and another woman answer: "a hundred quid."

The vicar was quite perplexed by now as he had no idea what a blow job was and then he had a brainwave. "I know, I'll stop off at the abbey and ask the Reverend Mother, she'll know."

He got to the abbey and went in to see the Reverend Mother.

"Do you mind, Reverend Mother, if I ask you a question?"

"Of course not," said the Reverend Mother.

"What's a blow job?"

"A hundred quid," the Reverend Mother replied, "same as it is in town."

By hair_today at 30,Mar,24 12:16 other posts of hair_today 
By routemaster at 30,Mar,24 12:32 other posts of routemaster 




By #704634 at 30,Mar,24 08:28
only registered users can see external links



By #688177 at 25,Mar,24 07:17
Me, ‘Scientists have found a new creature, it appears to have no nose or identifiable body!’
Mate, ‘That sounds very strange, what’s it called?’
Me, ‘Nobody Knows!!’





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