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It just a joke

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Started by se-kent-uk at 11,Mar,23 08:26  other posts of se-kent-uk
Lets hear your jokes then;

Similar topics: 1.===== Joke Of The Day =====   2.Anybody got a good joke!   3.Tell Us A Joke   4.small hands   5.Joke Central  

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By se-kent-uk at 27,May,24 07:52 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Me, ‘I got in trouble with the council about a filling in a pot hole’
Mate, ‘I know they are bad, but you are not meant to do them yourself’
Me, ‘I did get in a lot of trouble, but it’s my own asphalt’

By se-kent-uk at 27,May,24 07:51 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Me, ‘I was having a laugh pretending to be a flamingo, and the wife told me to stop!’
Mate, ‘we all need to laugh’
Me, ‘yes but I put my foot down!’

By se-kent-uk at 12,May,24 08:43 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Me, ‘Wife and I went to a restaurant called Karma yesterday’
Mate, ‘Oh hat type of food do they serve?’
Me, ‘They don’t do starter’s or mains, Just desserts!’

By routemaster at 08,May,24 23:25 other posts of routemaster 
King Charles III and Queen Camilla came down to breakfast and, as usual, the butler had laid out Charles's post next to his plate.
"Darling," said Charles, "where's the letter opener?"
"He's got the day off," Camilla replied.

By _AxCx_ at 08,May,24 17:44 other posts of _AxCx_ 
Biggest joke on the site: /member.php?w=610414

Her last picture to wish you all farewell although we know she isn’t going anywhere. 😒

[deleted image]

By se-kent-uk at 06,May,24 07:59 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Me, ‘You ok mate, you look cream crackerd?’
Mate, ‘Just finished at the Gym, been doing lunges for the first time’
Me, ‘Well at least it’s a step forward!’

By routemaster at 04,May,24 14:02 other posts of routemaster 
I'm not a fan of Gladys Knight. She gives me the pip.

By se-kent-uk at 12,Apr,24 07:00 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Me, ‘As a kid I loved playing with granddad & making sandcastles in the garden, until I was told to stop’
Wife, ‘that sounds nice dear, but why did you have to stop’
Me, ‘I was told to put grandad back in his urn & return him to the mantelpiece’
By kupreanoff at 20,Apr,24 17:28 other posts of kupreanoff 
now that's funny
By routemaster at 04,May,24 07:07 other posts of routemaster 

By tb1 at 04,May,24 03:40 other posts of tb1 
Football Head Coach to Assistant Defensive Coordinator: “Say Bill, if we went camping this weekend and you woke up in the morning with a cum filled condom sticking out of your ass, would you tell anybody?”
Bill replies, “Hell no!”
HC, “Whatcha doing this weekend?”
--------------------------------------- added after 5 hours

Video Coach to Head Coach after leaving the washroom, “Coach, we gotta fire the new receiver. He was masturbating in the washroom.”
HC, “Bob he’s a young guy away from home, we have to cut him some slack!”
VC, “I get that, but be was using my cock!”

By se-kent-uk at 23,Apr,24 13:34 other posts of se-kent-uk 
G-son, ‘Granddad, whats you secret to a happy marriage?’
Me, ‘Well we still make a point of going out twice a week’
G-son, ‘Where do you go?’
Me, ‘It’s not where It’s when, Grandma goes out Thursday & Friday, I go out Monday & Tuesday!’
By #610414 at 03,May,24 13:30

By routemaster at 03,May,24 08:04 other posts of routemaster 
I'm a great classical music lover except I don't understand Norwegian music.
Its all Grieg to me.

By routemaster at 03,May,24 08:03 other posts of routemaster 
Why do battery hens sleep well at night?
They go out like a light.

By se-kent-uk at 21,Apr,24 05:58 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Me, ‘Did you know, I can 100% tell if someone is lying just by looking at them’
Mate, ‘That’s interesting’
Me, ‘I can also tell if they are standing or sitting!’

By se-kent-uk at 20,Apr,24 07:14 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Mate, “Did I ever mention I worked for the Royal mint making coins for a while?”
Me, “No, how long were you there?”
Mate, “Oh not long, I quit”
Me, “Did you have trouble making heads or tails of it!”

By whatsupcocks at 18,Apr,24 16:02 other posts of whatsupcocks 
THE CANDY BAR JOKE 😄😄😄 One day MR.Goodbar wanted a Bit-of-Honey so he took MS.Hershey behind the Power House on 5th Avenue were he began to fill her Mounds which were Almond Joy.She let out a Snicker as his Big Hunk slid up here Milky Way.The results were a Baby Ruth.

By se-kent-uk at 18,Apr,24 06:52 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Me, ‘I once went to dinner with a girl whose family turned out to be cannibals’
Mate, ‘wow that’s freaky, how was the date?’
Me, I turned up late and she gave me the cold shoulder!’

By routemaster at 16,Apr,24 23:50 other posts of routemaster 
I had a meeting the other day with my bank manager. I asked him to check my balance. So he pushed me over.

By se-kent-uk at 17,Apr,24 14:52 other posts of se-kent-uk 
By routemaster at 17,Apr,24 18:03 other posts of routemaster 

By routemaster at 16,Apr,24 23:52 other posts of routemaster 
Have you seen that new hetero porn film where all the sex takes place in a flying car?
Its called Titty Titty Gang Bang.

By routemaster at 16,Apr,24 23:51 other posts of routemaster 
"Son, you're old enough now for me to talk to you about the facts of life."
"OK, dad, what d'you wanna know?"

By se-kent-uk at 16,Apr,24 07:04 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Me, ‘I have been making a model of Mount Everest’
Mate, ‘Is it to scale?’
Me, ‘No, only to look at!’

By se-kent-uk at 15,Apr,24 06:55 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Boy, ‘Dad can you tell me what an eclipse is?’
Me, ‘No Son!’

By se-kent-uk at 14,Apr,24 06:09 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Me, ‘Have you heard about that new film “constipation”?’
Mate, ‘I have not seen it in the cinema’
Me, ‘well that because it’s not out yet!’

By biggg at 04,Apr,24 20:53 other posts of biggg 
A hippie and a nun are on a bus.
The hippie says to the nun: like wow, iґve always wanted to fuck a nun.
But the nun says: i`m already married to jesus so I cannot.
As the hippie is getting off the bus, the bus driver nods and winks and says: the nun is always in the graveyard at 8 o clock and waiting for the holy spirit. So you might be in luck!
The hippie puts a white sheet over his head and goes to the graveyard, and approaches the nun from behind. “Woo hoo, I am the holy spirit and I want to fuck you”
The nun says: well, yes since you are the holy spirit but itґs that time of the month so you have to do me in the ass from behind.
OK says the hippie, pulls out his dick and bangs her up the ass
When heґs finished, he pulls off the white sheet and laughs: haha, iґm not the holy spirit, iґm the hippie
But the nun turns around and pulls off her head cover and laughs back: haha, iґm not the nun, iґm the bus driver
By #700043 at 10,Apr,24 21:46

By se-kent-uk at 08,Apr,24 06:42 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Me, ‘What do you think of my singing?’
Wife, ‘I think you should sing tenor . .’
Me, ‘. . .wow really!’
Wife, ‘If you let me finish, tenor eleven miles away for me!!!’
By biggg at 10,Apr,24 20:44 other posts of biggg 

By se-kent-uk at 07,Apr,24 06:18 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Mate, ‘My favourite composer died recently’
Me, ‘So technically de-composing now!’

By se-kent-uk at 05,Apr,24 08:18 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Mate, "I have had trouble sleeping"
Me, "I can't see why people have such a problem sleeping"
Mate, "what do you mean you can't see why?"
Me, "well I can do it with my eyes closed!".

By se-kent-uk at 04,Apr,24 09:13 other posts of se-kent-uk 
If you are not a British or moreover a Londoner, you might not get this one.

Mate, ‘Do you know what a propaganda is?’
Me, ‘Well when you say it like that, it’s when a Brit looks at something rally closely!’

By biggg at 03,Apr,24 15:29 other posts of biggg 
The worldґs strongest glue has been invented. But they canґt get the lid off
By tb1 at 03,Apr,24 15:32 other posts of tb1 

By routemaster at 22,Mar,24 09:37 other posts of routemaster 
A vicar was on his way home when he inadvertently strayed into the town's red light district. He walked on a few yards past an alleyway from where he heard a bloke ask: "how much for a blow job?" and a woman replied: "a hundred quid."

The vicar carried on walking and went past another alleyway where he heard another bloke ask: "how much for a blow job?" and another woman answer: "a hundred quid."

The vicar was quite perplexed by now as he had no idea what a blow job was and then he had a brainwave. "I know, I'll stop off at the abbey and ask the Reverend Mother, she'll know."

He got to the abbey and went in to see the Reverend Mother.

"Do you mind, Reverend Mother, if I ask you a question?"

"Of course not," said the Reverend Mother.

"What's a blow job?"

"A hundred quid," the Reverend Mother replied, "same as it is in town."

By hair_today at 30,Mar,24 12:16 other posts of hair_today 
By routemaster at 30,Mar,24 12:32 other posts of routemaster 

By #704634 at 30,Mar,24 08:28
only registered users can see external links

By se-kent-uk at 25,Mar,24 07:17 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Me, ‘Scientists have found a new creature, it appears to have no nose or identifiable body!’
Mate, ‘That sounds very strange, what’s it called?’
Me, ‘Nobody Knows!!’

By se-kent-uk at 24,Mar,24 08:12 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Kid, ‘Dad whats that silver car’
Me, ‘It is a DeLorean’
Kid, ‘It’s not been used much’
Me, ‘Well it was only driven from time to time!’

By se-kent-uk at 23,Mar,24 07:56 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Me, “we had to take our kid to the doctors, he ate a load of scrabble tiles”
Mate, “ Oh no what did the doctor say?”
Me, “he’ will be fine but hes might start talking shit”

By se-kent-uk at 22,Mar,24 07:45 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Girlfriend, “When I first moved out on my own, I brought my self a locket and put my picture in it”
Me, “why put YOUR picture in it?”
Girlfriend, “So I can prove I am independent!”

By se-kent-uk at 21,Mar,24 08:13 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Me, ‘I have lost a shoe’
Mate, ‘do you want a hand finding it?’
Me, ‘I am sure it will turn up after a bit of sole searching’

By se-kent-uk at 20,Mar,24 08:21 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Me, “hows the leg?”
Mate, “Just come back from the Doc , apparently all my life I have been double jointed in hip, knee & ankle?”
Me, “Anything that can help”
Mate, “I just need to walk differently”
Me, “If I had only you had known it was that simple, I bet you could have kicked yourself!”

By #710534 at 19,Mar,24 18:58
I got arrested the other day! I was going by the health department and the sign said breast feeding classes. I went in and volunteered! Lol

By #710534 at 19,Mar,24 18:56
I got a tattoo on my penis! It was supposed to say my name Bob but they ran out of room. It just says Bo.

By se-kent-uk at 19,Mar,24 06:59 other posts of se-kent-uk 

By routemaster at 17,Mar,24 23:38 other posts of routemaster 
Did you hear about the violent electrician who beat another guy up?

He was charged with assault and battery.

By se-kent-uk at 18,Mar,24 08:18 other posts of se-kent-uk 
By routemaster at 18,Mar,24 08:30 other posts of routemaster 

By se-kent-uk at 18,Mar,24 08:19 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Mate, “what did the boss want you for?”
Me, “to give me a haircut”
Mate, “a haircut!!”
Me, “yes, I think he’s grooming me for promotion”

By se-kent-uk at 17,Mar,24 07:53 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Me, ‘why do you keep hanging grapes all over your house to dry?’
Mate, ‘why do you care, you don’t live here?’
Me, ‘I have my raisins’

By se-kent-uk at 16,Mar,24 21:41 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Me, ‘I might have two or three Motown pun’s ready to go’
Mate, ‘Oh my please no more’
Me, ‘Well perhaps Four Tops!’

By se-kent-uk at 26,Feb,24 07:27 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Wife, “were all going to the beach today, so why the cold sweat?”
Me, “I have a feat of tsunamis”
Wife, “oh you have never mentioned it, how bad is it?”
Me, “Well it comes in waves!”
By #700043 at 14,Mar,24 08:43

By se-kent-uk at 13,Mar,24 07:44 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Me, ‘Why do they need to paly music in the lift, it not even good’
Mate, ‘what is wrong with it?’
Me, ‘It’s just bad on so many levels!’
By #700043 at 14,Mar,24 08:42
elevator music brings me down

By se-kent-uk at 14,Mar,24 07:02 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Me, ‘I once had to work long shifts at a pizza house, to make ends meet’
Mate, ‘money drives the devil, was you delivering?’
Me, ‘Yes and yes, I kneaded the dough’

By se-kent-uk at 12,Mar,24 08:11 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Two Antennas got married . . . .
The reception was amazing!

By se-kent-uk at 11,Mar,24 07:45 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Me, ‘my first flat was above a museum, I didn’t stay there long’
Mate, ‘Oh why was that?’
Me, ‘I was told not to dwell on the past!’

By se-kent-uk at 10,Mar,24 07:28 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Mate, ‘The concert was great’
Me, ‘I sing my best when I am really happy or very sad’
Mate, ‘why is that?’
Me, ‘I’m in-tune with my feelings!’

By se-kent-uk at 25,Feb,24 07:31 other posts of se-kent-uk 
Mate, ‘that guy just threw his milk at me’
Me, ‘How dairy!’

By se-kent-uk at 25,Feb,24 07:31 other posts of se-kent-uk 
What are the strongest days
Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays

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