" So I stay in the closet and suffer..."
Man, what's wrong with this picture?! Come out of the closet and live!
Concerning your wife and friends, there's a very good chance that they already know, or at least suspect that you like to suck cocks, so you very well might be creating a problem where none exists.
First, concerning your wife. If you have a happy marriage based on love, respect and good companionship, there is a good chance she'd be fine with you sucking a few cocks now and then. Many women who would be very upset if their husband were to have a sexual liaison with a woman have no problem if he were to be with an occasional man. Indeed, many find it titillating. She might even want to watch. And if your marriage is not a happy one, then why try to save it?
Now about your friends. You have such doubt about them that you even put the word in quotes. Now-a-days a man being gay, or even being straight but liking to suck cocks is pretty much a nonissue. Most men consider it a badge of honor to have gay friends. You underestimate them if you think they will abandon you if you come out. And if they do, then they weren't really your friends.
Yes, coming out is a monumental step and it ain't easy. But it's worth it. Every one who has done it has reported that it feels like a great burden has been lifted from their shoulders. No more hiding. You can do it! And you'll be glad you did!